I just re-read my post of yesterday, and feel the need to expand on that original thought - mainly because I left out a huge part of why I feel lonely (or more accurate, why I feel like I don't keep in contact with friends or people in my life). The reason is this: I'm horrible at staying in contact with others. There. I said it. I admit it wholeheartedly. I used to think this made me a bad person, and sometimes I still think that. But I've also come to realize that those who are most important to me in the whole world are still in my life. I either (secretly) read their blog, think about, look through old photos etc. It's not that I don't have conversations with these folks in my head (though now that I write that it seems a bit strange...nevermind, let's not think about that). What is most important to realize is that I take part of the blame too. I'm horrible at writing letters, or emails. And I REFUSE to respond personally to mass emails. I won't feel bad about it either. I won't feel guilty for not responding - I do feel guilty for not sending something, anything of my own.
Unfortunately, I let enough time go by that I don't know how to dig myself out of whatever hole I've managed to get myself into. There are many people that I do miss, and I wish that I could call em up and tell them. But instead, I write on here about it. And hope that someday they stumble upon this blog eas I've stumbled upon theirs. For now, I live in the moment. Enjoy everyday that I am happy, healthy, loved and fulfilled by what is in my life right now.