Time

This morning I went to the funeral service of a wonderful lady I got to know during my previous non-profit employment. Her Lukemia had come back and this time she could not continue her fight. she was young - probably mid-forties, a husband whose grief was clear on his face, and one son and a soon-to-be daughter in law. It made me think about how short life it, and how precious. It can be ripped away at any point in time, and it's so important to make the absolute best of every moment we are given. It reminds me so much of the song by Tim McGraw, "Live like you were dying"

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do
and he said

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again
and then

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

In Memory:
When I come to the end of the road,
And the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free.

Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared.
Miss me - but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.

It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.

Miss me - but let me go.

Past year in review and looking ahead

This past year has been highs and lows combined - parts of it made it the absolute best year I've had so far in my life, and other parts were harder than I thought they would be. Obviously the best parts include PB and our life - getting married and getting pregnant with the little one. I'm also pretty darn proud of all the other accompliments in my life as well. Getting a new job - one that occasionally drives me nuts, but I truly feel it's a step in the right direction. Applying for grad school - though with the BT on the way that train has been temporarily derailed - I may revisit it again at some point when the little one is tucked away in school - who knows.

I have not reached out to old friends like I had wanted to. I'm not really sure what has stopped me other than time. It's hard to go back and make excuses, though I know that if the friendship was really there I wouldn't have to. For now PB, my best friend, is really what I need in life. We have so much fun together and I can't imagine how my life was without him in it.

I feel like this year brings even more new beginnings - new life and new hope for a wonderful future together. It is so much fun to plan - and while I rarely make New Year's Eve resolutions, I always like to think about what I hope to accomplish each year on my birthday.

So, here's to a beautiful marriage to the man of my dreams, bringing a new life into this world and being the best momma I can possibly be, continuing with my sewing and photography and striving with each project to learn something new and grow with each experience, continue to learn and grow at my job and hopefully create an opening for upward movement within this company. I think that is a good start.

NaBloPoMo

YAY! I made it through the month, faithfully blogging each day. It may not have been made up of the most interesting content, but I was here each day. It was certainly not easy but I've enjoyed the challenge to write more. It has been incredibly difficult to keep my news a secret, but now that my mom has arrived and I've had the chance to tell her all about it - it was great. This will become a place for me to write more about all the new happenings in my life ... I can't wait.

The power of positive thinking...

PB and I have been trying to focus lately on the good - you know, the power of positive thinking - Focus on your goals coming true and they will. He actually puts it much better than I do, but the gist is the same - attitude is everything!

For me, I've been focusing on the good things at my job, the great things in my life, and not trying to worry or stress about the things that aren't so great. I think staying positive and not stressed at this point in my life is one of the most important things I can do so I'm really trying to focus on it. I've never really been into the new-age mumbo jumbo, but there is something to be said about your attitude. If someone cuts me off while driving, I can either let it piss me off, or I can think that maybe they didn't realize they did it or have an emergency to get to. That type of thinking allows me to not blow my top, keep my cool - and live to see another day :)

I perfer a good attitude. I know it makes me more fun to be around, and I know that I'm enjoying life so much more when I have a better attitude and outlook. It's not the easiest thing in the world - looking through perpetual rose-colored glasses, but PB is a great role-model and really allows me to focus on good things.

T minus 3 days

Mom comes on Friday - can't wait - soooo excited for her to finally meet PB and understand what is going on in my life - show her my house, my life and fill her in on all the good stuff that I'm surrounded by. I'm trying lately to focus on the good - cause truthfully - there is so much good. I can't believe how truly blessed I am to have a good job, money in the bank, someone that loves me, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. What more could someone ask for? There are certainly material things that would make my life easier (more money, more free time, getting this darn house sold so we can get what WE want, etc) but they are just things, and frankly, while it would make life easier, it wouldn't make it better. It's pretty dang good just the way it is.

My list of what I'm thankful for - since I didn't get around to posting it last week (yeah, I know I kinda slacked on the lengthy posts during the holiday week - but the rule is to post - no word minimum to my knowledge).

1. PB*
2. BT *
3. My family and their health and happiness
4. Being physically able to complain about going to the gym - cause, if I couldn't complain about it that would mean I wasn't physically able to go -
5. My commute - cause it means I have a good job to go to each day - one that pays the bills.
6. Friends - the ones that matter are few and far between - but that's how it's always been and that's not a bad thing.
7. Holidays that bring people closer together.
8. Memories - I love all that I have done and what has gotten me to this point in life.
9. My camera and sewing machine - probably my two favorite "material possesions" - they might allow me to get out of the normal rat race and make my own living...
10. Possiblities - there is so much in store for us in the future...

Life Changing

How many life changing moments can you count? Whether it was the birth of a child, a marriage, graduation from school or the trip of a lifetime, I'm sure we can all count on one hand the number of truly life-changing experiences we've had. Some of them could have been wonderful and beautiful events, others could have involved death or saddness, either way, it's a defining moment - one you can look back on now with complete clarity and see the moment where your life took a turn and changed - for better or worse. I guess for me that was joining the Peace Corps and moving to Bulgaria - I gained my independence, lived alone for the first time and got on a path that led me to where I am today. It was certainly not easy, and not without major bumps and hurdles, and the path wasn't full of pretty flowers and sun-shiny days, however, I can't go back and change a moment of it, because every part of it led me here - to this town I now live in, to the job I have, to the person and life I am now a part of. It certainly wasn't easy, but it most definitely was worth it.

It's funny - I deliberately remember talking to my mom before I left for Peace Corps - an idealistic college senior getting ready to "go save the world" and we talked about how my generation didn't have any of those moments that define the generation - moments that you could discuss many years later, and every person in the room remembered exactly where they were, and exactly how they felt when that event took place - so far my generation had had the OJ Simpson trial and the death of Princess Diana. Wow. My mom's generation had the Vietnam War, the assasination of President Kennedy and so many others. Turns out I shouldn't have spoken so soon. Not too long after that conversation did 9/11 happen, then Afghanistan, then Iraq, then Virginia Tech, then too many to count. So many defining moments. Do you remember where you were when you heard about them? Have you thought about putting down on paper your thoughts and experiences for future generations?

Secrets.

Secret.

Pronunciation:\ˈsē-krət\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French secré, secret, from Latin secretus, from past participle of secernere to separate, distinguish, from se- apart + cernere to sift
Date: 14th century
kept from knowledge or view
working with hidden aims or methods
not acknowledged
conducted in secret
remote from human frequentation or notice
revealed only to the initiated
designed to elude observation or detection


Ever had a secret so big you thought you were going to explode if you couldn’t tell it? This has come up lately due to feeling a bit removed from the rest of society. PB and I are generally pretty happy in our own little world – occasionally we seek out others to fulfill something that the other can’t do for us – mainly, PB will call on a friend to go play Frisbee golf because for the life of me I know I’ll stink, and if I’m not going to be great at it…why bother?? Usually when PB is out with friends, I’d rather be alone. I’m much better off when I have some “me time” and that’s when I rejuvenate. Anyone else that way?

My work did a Myer’s-Briggs eval for the entire HR department a few weeks ago, and since I had never taken the test, was given one. Turns out I’m INFJ – I finally have a 4 letter explanation of why I am the way I am. Most people at work couldn’t believe I was an I – especially since I’m usually outgoing and talkative, but I much prefer to be alone and quiet, introspective and being around a lot of people is exhausting to me. The Feeling and Judging didn’t come as a surprise, nor did the Intuition. None of it was a surprise to me really, rather the surprise and “ah ha!” moment came when it was explained what an Introvert did under stress. We became extroverts – which is definitely the case with me. When I’m under stress, I want everyone to know about it J.

Perhaps that’s why it’s hard for me to keep a secret. Secrets sometimes cause stress, and if it’s bad – I want to share because others can help me come up with a good solution, and if it’s good – well, I just want people to know how happy I am.