Focusing on the Good

I've decided that in order to life a happy, healthy and successful life it's important to focus on the good. I am the type of person that gets caught up in the bad - so much so that it can consume me and physically impact my life. You know that feeling... the one in the pit of your stomach? The one that warms you of some sort of impending doom? Yeah, that's the one. I get that when I'm stressed and focusing on the bad. I did it yesterday, twice. And you know what? I realized that there's not a whole lot I can do to change things and my attitude and physical well-being impact another being, one wholey dependant on me, so I better shape up. It's just not worth it to worry about things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life. I'm healthy, happy, supported and loved. And I'm growing a beautiful baby boy that I will get to meet in just 11 short weeks.

So when my disillusioned self realizes that when you put yourself out there you will sometimes get burned? Well, let it sting for a bit, and then come to terms with the fact that that chapter is closed (YAY!!!) and those people truly weren't your friends to begin with. It's a sobering thought. Friends have always been fairly difficult for me to find and keep. It always feels a bit awkward with me, and I don't really let myself open up entirely to people in general. I'm pretty good in social situations, I can schmooze with the best of them. However, when it comes down to being a friend, maybe I'm destined to have just a few really good ones in life. Family has always meant more to me than friends. Family may drive you crazy, but they are always there, always supportive in the long run, and don't judge you for the choices you make in life.

So, it's time to pull myself up by my figurative bootstraps, officially close the chapter and just be happy knowing the truth about myself, even if so many others have a different idea. I've got bigger and better things waiting for me in my future and I have my best friend in the whole world to share it with.
I love you PB.

Christmas, New Years etc....

The holidays were very good to PB and I - we actually waited this year till Christmas morning to open all our presents, and it was so much fun just the two of us. We thought we'd sleep in (or at least I thought I would) but we were up early and out like little kids - ready to rip into the gifts. I made coffee and cinnamon rolls and we started to dig right in. I cannot believe how generous both our families were - it was crazy to see so many gifts for just the two of us... although a lot of presents under the tree didn't have either of our names on it... hmm...

we had breakfast later and chatted on the phone with family - it was so much fun to just take it slow, watch each other and enjoy the day. Knowing this will be our last "quiet" Christmas for some time probably just made it sweeter. We had Christmas dinner with friends and played games into the night before heading home and getting some well-deserved rest. The only bad part of the day is when PB started to get sick - which lasted well into the next day so we both stayed home from work. Otherwise, it was an amazing Christmas to remember. I'd have to say, my favorite gift (if I have to pick one) has got to be one of my Christmas eve presents from PB - a huge, fluffy, super-soft and comfy robe - one that will continue to fit me as I grow. :)

That weekend saw me getting the bug that's been going around...I couldn't keep any food or liquids down from Saturday to Tuesday - not sure if it was the bug or something else, but either way I was unhappy and exhausted, and truthfully, a little afraid of food. I guess when you get that sick all the time you aren't very happy with the cause of the sickness and just want to get as far away from it as possible. New Year's Eve was PB and I tucked in at home playing board games. He brought out Monopoly for my semi-annual butt-kicking (we've only played this game together 3 times - I swear I'm out within 15 minutes maximum - that guys knows how to roll some dice. I need to take him to Vegas). We also played Sorry, which is a special game for us and was a Christmas present to me from PB - I am happy to say that I was the 2007 champion, but was quickly brought down in 2008. It was a sorry, sorry loss.

We got breakfast with friends on New Year's Day, and hung out with the same friends later that night - we tried to play their new "Friends - Scene It" game, but unfortunately something must have been wrong with the game cause the girls team lost to the boys - definitely a flaw somewhere in the game for that to have happened.

Back to work again. I'm feeling much better these days - food is staying down and I've gotten new clothes that actually fit me - Yay! What wonders it does for your self-esteem :) We go to the doc again this coming Tuesday and get to schedule the BIG ultrasound - I hate waiting cause I want another picture of the baby toe, but February isn't too far off and I guess I can handle the wait. We're just happy that everything has gone so smoothly thus far. So, for those of you who already knew our news... I'm finally putting it out there! For those of you who didn't, you know now. I'm going to try to document the whole process (well, the rest of it at least) so that I can get it all down and not forget a single moment of this incredible time in my life. I can honestly say I have never known a happiness like this.

T minus 3 days

Mom comes on Friday - can't wait - soooo excited for her to finally meet PB and understand what is going on in my life - show her my house, my life and fill her in on all the good stuff that I'm surrounded by. I'm trying lately to focus on the good - cause truthfully - there is so much good. I can't believe how truly blessed I am to have a good job, money in the bank, someone that loves me, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. What more could someone ask for? There are certainly material things that would make my life easier (more money, more free time, getting this darn house sold so we can get what WE want, etc) but they are just things, and frankly, while it would make life easier, it wouldn't make it better. It's pretty dang good just the way it is.

My list of what I'm thankful for - since I didn't get around to posting it last week (yeah, I know I kinda slacked on the lengthy posts during the holiday week - but the rule is to post - no word minimum to my knowledge).

1. PB*
2. BT *
3. My family and their health and happiness
4. Being physically able to complain about going to the gym - cause, if I couldn't complain about it that would mean I wasn't physically able to go -
5. My commute - cause it means I have a good job to go to each day - one that pays the bills.
6. Friends - the ones that matter are few and far between - but that's how it's always been and that's not a bad thing.
7. Holidays that bring people closer together.
8. Memories - I love all that I have done and what has gotten me to this point in life.
9. My camera and sewing machine - probably my two favorite "material possesions" - they might allow me to get out of the normal rat race and make my own living...
10. Possiblities - there is so much in store for us in the future...

Friends

I had dinner tonight with a former coworker/friend that I haven' t seen since I started my new job - what fun it was to catch up on all the gossip and make me feel better about where I am. No job is perfect - it's all about attitude - right??

Anyway, we had fun catching up, seeing the puppy pics - she has an adorable jack russel who is too cute for words and chatting about life. We left the evening with the decision that it needs to happen every couple of weeks. Now we just need to stick to it.

Now, off to more moving...