searching for simplicity...

Accepting less than perfect

2012-02-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

I have an addition to Pinterest and I'm not afraid to admit it. It's a great way for me to try to organize my thoughts and ambitious desires. I have found so many delicious recipes on there, and am slowly learning so much about cooking more whole foods and cutting the processed junk out of our house. Pinterest is a time sucker, which isn't a surprise to anyone who knows what Pinterest is. I can go on there for a quick sneak peek of a recipe that I want to make, and the next thing I know I'm checking out a board I'm following on quilts and am lost in ambitious dreams of making a full bedroom set for all four of us, and the guest room! It's similar to Thanksgiving day where I end up piling delicious food on my plate without actually having adequate space for it in my stomach. I have so many ideas floating around of what I want to do; crafts, sewing, cooking, baking, reading, gardening, photography, running. I could go on and on.

In garden news we will be ordering and planting our asparagus crowns within the next week, and we have purchased the lamps for our seed set-up. I still need to organize all the seeds to determine what needs to be started when, and get a bit more organized about this whole thing! The veggies certainly won't grown themselves although I wish it was that easy :). We haven't built more than the original three garden beds but we're talking about ways to improve the existing design.

I could allow myself to feel like a failure when I don't accomplish everything I'd like to. I received a few books for Christmas that I can't wait to dig into; still haven't cracked the spine. I would love to try once a month cooking ever since I found the Whole Foods plan at Once a Month Mom but I'll revel in the fact that we get a healthy, homecooked meal on the table every night and eat as a family. My brain wants to run a 10K but my left knee doesn't. I'll be happy that I accomplished 4 miles last week and am not limping today...

Live in the moment. Recognize success. Celebrate small wins.

Holidays

2011-12-22T09:07:00.000-08:00

I started this holiday season with huge dreams of a completely handmade Christmas, one that showed my loved ones how much they mean to me, and how unimportant the commercialism truly is to celebrate the holidays. I didn't get anywhere close to finishing my list, that was broken out in Excel with a tab for each family member, links to tutorials, ideas, and pictures that inspired me. Instead, I completed one handmade gift for my mom's birthday (Christmas Eve), am 95% done with a gift for my oldest, and have a well-thought out idea for my youngest (some of the prep-work is complete as well). That's all. I'm not sure how we are now three days away from Christmas and I haven't completed anything else on the list. I still want to make ornaments for our nieces and nephews, and I think we may have eaten all the christmas cookies we made over the weekend. I also had this grand idea of completely outfitting the boys play room for Christmas to include painting over the mauve color with something fun and playful, to inspire them to want to play there, we have ideas for a fort and stuffed animal zoo, a reading nook, and a place to do crafts. Like I said - grand ideas. We haven't actually done much to start that room yet.

We have certainly been celebrating the season: my oldest (who is still only 3 1/2) can sing the entire song of We Three Kings (he's amazing!), we read from our collection of Christmas/Holiday books every naptime and before bed, the boys take turns with the advent calendar, we are visiting the Christmas Train tonight, we have been to visit Santa, made sugar cutout cookies, and decorated the house.

Perhaps that long list of things we've been doing coupled with the fact that at least one person in our family has been sick at any given time in December has caused me to be behind. I really think that's just an excuse though. I would love to have made more this year. Instead though I have given myself a break. I could be disappointed, instead I'm thrilled that I made what I did. I could say that I'll be better next year, I'll start in the summer. Truth is, I won't. I know I won't. So I'm cutting myself some slack this year - instead of doing the play room before Christmas the hubby and I can work on it during my 10 days off between Christmas and New Years. We still bought less - much less. And we are creating memories in our new house - isn't that what this holiday is really about?

What gifts did you make this year? Does your family have any holiday traditions that you treasure?

Settling in

2011-11-22T13:31:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, where were we? I think the last post was one filled with frustration and anxious, waiting-game filled drama (no? did I just imagine it?). We have since closed on our beautiful home - however the drama did continue through and I have a new best friend in an account manager of the local branch in CO where I opened my original account. He was the only one who told me "yes" when I asked for help in wiring our down payment and closing costs (at the very last minute, mind you), without my physical presence in the branch. You see, this particular bank doesn't have any branches in the entire state of OK. You'd think this would make me want to change banks. And I guarantee you that I would have, IF no one had helped. Yet I found one fantastic employee who didn't tell me "no" - he made it work. And at the closing, with less than 3 pages left (out of the approximately 5,000 pages you have to sign), the wire came through and we actually got our keys! We closed on Halloween at about 5pm, proceeded home to change the boys into their ninja costumes, go trick or treating, load some of the big items, put the boys to bed at grandma's house, then unload the truck at the new house.

On the trick-or-treating front - this was the first year that Colin REALLY enjoyed the whole process and really seemed to get it. He was dragging us along literally, or running through the yard, pointing out all the houses that had their porch lights on. Chris and I got a kick out of seeing what a big boy he has grown into. Jack on the other hand was perfectly happy clutching the lollipop he got at house #2 with a death grip and a growl to anyone who made a move to take it away.

We've been in the house for a whole 3 weeks now and are slowly starting to settle in. We lucked out with fantastic neighbors (only three houses on our cul-de-sac, ours is one of them). One neighbor has already given us an open invite to use his pool whenever, and the other neighbors have 4 kids and adore playing with the boys. I can usually come home to a handful of them playing basketball or riding bikes in the driveway of the house. It's fantastic. Colin loves his new friends, and they all seem to be pretty good kids.

We are getting ready to host approximately 30+ people at our house for Thanksgiving this year - it's my favorite holiday, and when we were contemplating a move to OK I made sure to tell Chris that anyone was welcome to come over but that I would be cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I think he heard me :). It will be a mini-family reunion on his side of the family and we are both looking forward to a full house.

The waiting game

2011-10-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

I am am competitive person. By nature, that generally means I like games; however, the waiting game is not one of them. I am as impatient as I am competitive - and when I want something I.Want.It.Now. Not tomorrow, not in a week, not two days after it's expected to be attained. Hmph. So when I found out this morning that our house closing, which technically should have been last Friday but was pushed to sometime this week, is likely not to happen until the beginning of next week :(. Sad. Yes, I realize that I shouldn't have been mentally unpacking all my boxes of things that were packed up nice and neat (read: thrown haphazardly into a box at the end becuase the movers moved faster than we could get the stuff in boxes and is now why I am cooking with three random, odd pans without lids for the past two months...).

I am trying to learn patience. Really I am. Trying that is, and failing miserably. I will try to look at the bright side and say that this gives us the weekend to shove the few unpacked belongings back into a box (rather than having the weekend to unpack in our new dream house). I will pretend that by prolonging the chaos of moving my family for the second time in a few months we will have one last sane weekend together as a family to play before we have enough moving/unpacking/organizing etc to keep us busy until 2013.

At the end of the day I must say that we are pretty lucky. We found our dream house quickly upon moving to a new state, and up to now, all the pieces have fallen into place. Yes, the new roof could have been put on sooner, but in the grand scheme of things, I don't care that it will take a few extra days before we call the house our home.

Sometimes I even amaze myself...

2011-10-04T07:33:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that I'm not a fan of heights? Or that I generally try to avoid activities that could potentially injure me? I am not a risk taker; a fact that is getting progressively worse as I not only get older, but as I see my kids doing things that could get them hurt. As soon as I had a nasty fall snow skiing I pretty much gave it up. The continual fear of falling and breaking either my neck or my back prevented me from skiing safely. I would love to say that skydiving is my thing, but frankly, when it comes down to me in a plane with a parachute attached to my back, someone would have to physically push me out of the plane. I don't know that my feet would willingly jump. Things brings me to last Friday. We had an offsite retreat for work; you know, the teambuilding kind where we played games that highlighted the importance of getting to know and respect each other, and the value of communication.

After all that fun, the instructor led us the the high ropes course. Yep, ladies and gentlemen, it's exactly as it sounds. We were in the woods at a lodge just outside of Tulsa, with high poles all around us, getting strapped into rock climbing harnesses. I'm not sure what came over me. Maybe it was the fun and exhilaration that I felt when I climbed up the first pole, walked across the beam, climbed up higher to the platform and took the zipline through the trees. That gave me a taste of the excitement. Totally unlike me to enjoy that adrenaline rush. My legs were shaky and my heart was pounding. Rather than sit back and watch my colleagues experience it as well, I realized that I really wanted to climb the tall pole and truly challenge myself. I'm not really sure what came over me other than a sincere desire to just try it. I am a terrible judge of distance, but perhaps the pole was as big around as a dinner plate, maybe smaller, and it was about 40 feet in the air give or take. about 10 feet in front of the top of the pole was a bandana, suspended. The intent is to climb to the top, manuever your way to where you are standing on the pole, and jump - grabbing the bandana on the way down.

My legs shook for a good ten minutes after the jump, but the sense of accomplishment and sheer joy I felt will certainly last for some time. I'm pretty sure there are pictures to show for it - I'll post them eventually once I get copies. In the meantime, I'd just like to say that sometimes I even amaze myself.

Ugh - landlords (or why I'm happy-dancing that we are one step closer to closing on our first house!)

2011-09-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

Landlords. Security Deposits. No tax write off on mortgage interest. I could go on and on about renting and why I'm glad that we are so close to having it behind us. I can't tell you how annoying it is to receive a refunded security deposit that notes a ridiculous amount withheld for something that is considered "normal wear and tear" and the subsequent fight to get that money back in the hands of it's rightful owner. But alas, that is the fight I find myself in this morning. Our previous landlords are trying to have us purchase something new for the house due to normal wear and tear through normal use. While I can certainly appreciate that the owner felt that replacing it was more beneficial to the home than repairing the issue - replacement due to the normal wear and tear was not necessary and therefore not my financial burden. However since we are now states away, dealing with this issue is going to be such an annoyance but I'm stubborn so I'll keep on it.

This issue just highlights how happy I am that we are **this close** to closing on our first house. We still need to get through the appraisal, and are hoping we can schedule that after the new roof is put on. Did I mention that the sellers will be replacing the roof? :) Happy dance! Without a new roof we would have walked, and since this could be the dream house we are soooo happy that we don't have to. Cross your fingers that all continues to go well!!

Found it...

2011-09-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been comparing myself to my beautiful little almost two year old baby boy. Jack may be one of the sweetest ones in the world and gives his big brother a run for his money sometimes with the cuteness factor (we are very blessed parents!). Jack is the prince of pointing out the obvious in his own innocent way. He will happily shout "found it!" whenver we are looking for something, regardless of the fact if he: a) actually found the item we were looking for, b) saw mommy or daddy with the item 10 minutes after we found it, or c) saw something that did not remotely resemble what we were looking for in the first place but he thinks it's pretty cool. It's quite hilarious and he knows it - could be why he does it in the first place, this kid loves to laugh. Getting back to my comparison to him. As we are transitioning to life in Tulsa, I have had many opportunities to count my blessings. My kids are thriving, I am really enjoying my new job, my husband and I are able to go out on a date, we have found a beautiful house that we love and are in the processing of trying to make it ours. In the meantime we are in a rental house and since we don't plan to be here very long we didn't set up cable - this has led to countless hours in the backyard playing "Simon Says", baseball with the boys, and running around as a family. I feel like we have already been able to spend a significant amount of quality time together and we've been here less than a month. Perhaps the newness factor will wear off soon. Perhaps it won't. For now, I'll just remind myself how lucky I am that we have more health, happiness, love, and togetherness than I cold have ever dreamt possible. I knew when we first started talking about moving to Tulsa that we were going to do it for the kids, for our family; to slow life down a little bit. As Jack would say, we "found it!".

Settling in

2011-09-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

Wow - so much has happened in the past month. The only way to describe leaving my last job is to explain it to you the way my (now former) co-worker explained it to me.

It feels as if you are in a war-zone and missles and bullets are flying around you. You watch as a close friend dodges each bullet as she or he runs toward the US Embassy. As that friend pulls open the gates and escapes into freedom, you feel nothing but happiness that as they turn around and wave with a huge smile on thier face.

While I understand that some may think it's in poor taste to compare my last job to a war-zone, at times, to those of us on the inside, it was an easy comparison. It was also nice to know that those I left behind are just happy to know that I have found something better. The new job is awesome; I'm still in that new hire cocoon, but I'm enjoying everything that I'm learning and am excited about the possibilities that are in front of me.

The move to Tulsa itself has been so wonderful for my family. The boys are thriving and really enjoying being around all our extended family. They have created bonds already and we only hope things continue to progress as they are currently. We have also already put in an offer on a house we have found and love. It's absolutely the dream house and fingers crossed, we'll be in it before Thanksgiving. Walking into homes during the search this is the only one that reached out and made us realized that we could visualize raising our families here. The garden will take a bit more planning because of all the trees on the property, but since the house feels like it's in the woods, it's a task I'll take on. The garden may not be centrally located and instead be multiple areas with garden boxes strewn about the property based on where the sun shines through, but I'm still excited about the planning process and what we can grow.

Giving Back

2011-08-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

Movers are coming a week from today. Our move to Tulsa, one that we have discussed on and off for the last three+ years, is finally becoming a reality. I feel so blessed to have things fall into place the way they have. Don't get me wrong, this process has not been without many bumps along the way, however I am so fortunate to already feel so welcomed by extended family and friends who have had their fingers crossed probably just as much as we have! Our boys are looking forward to playing with cousins and being closer to many relatives just as much as we are.

I'm also looking forward to settling down, buying a house, getting our compost and raised beds ready for the spring planting season. I am also excited about finding new opportunities to volunteer. Chris and I met through volunteerism and have had to put that on hold while we had two boys and a master's program that kept us busier than we could have imagined when we first signed up. It will be nice to get back into doing something we love and meeting new people in our new community along the way. There are many different organizations that we can get involved in and there are already a few that have jumped out at me:

http://www.upwithtrees.org/ is a local organization that works to plant an "urban forest" in and around Tulsa. My first thought was whether or not they plant fruit and/or nut trees to help supplement any of the local food banks.

http://emergencyinfantservices.org/Home_Page.php As a mom my heart breaks when I think about little ones and their families who go without the support they need - today's economy means there are more and more families out there who need a hand up.

http://www.cfbeo.org has a partnership with local farmers that allow volunteers to come pick fresh produce for the food bank.

There are also many community garden projects that have piqued my interest - can't wait to get down there and get involved!

Transition

2011-08-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

I have been with my current company over 4 years now. Love it or hate it (I've been in both places more times than I care to count) I have had many many experiences here. I got married, got pregnant, met one of my closest friends as she was hired to be my replacement while I was out on maternity leave, got pregnant with #2, started (and finished!) my master's degree, made many wonderful friends (and potentially enemies), and the last four years here have been spent either laughing, crying, venting, or screaming (and sometimes working!). Although I am more than ready to move on next week there are many things, or should I say people, here that I will miss.

I say all the time that I love change - I should, I've been through it enough; I've initiated change, embraced it, left the country twice looking for change, and have started over more than once in my life. There is a difference this time; although I am excited about the change I know what I am leaving behind. I have never been one who was great at keeping in touch with people; I have groups of people from different times in my life and I'm sad to say that when I move on (physically or figuratively) I'm terrible about staying in touch. I want to be different. I need to be different. I am different now. I have been so lucky in the 6 years that I have been in Colorado - I think I may have even grown up when I wasn't looking (ssshhh - don't tell).

This time will be different. I know who is important to me and I know it won't be the same as being able to go out to a spur of the moment lunch or have infrequent but wonderful dinners with close friends. I will not be here to help a good friend plan her wedding (but you can be damn sure we'll be there for the event!!), and I'll miss seeing another set of friends as they make their way through the journey of being a parent. However, I am looking forward to our upcoming move to Tulsa. Being able to raise my children near family is incredibly important to me; we will also be able to buy a house (with land!) and have a big garden and hopefully be able to do all the things that we haven't yet been able to do in Colorado. I am overwhelmed with wonder if I can actually do the job I am being hired to do, and I suppose that a bit of hesitation and nervousness is only normal. It's not a bad thing to want it all, right? Cause I do. And we'll have a guest room ready for anyone who wants to come visit.

My friend sent me this picture today. This explains it all:

A lesson in patience

2011-08-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

The past few months have given me a greatly needed lesson in patience. I have also been the type to WANT.IT.NOW. And when I can't get it now I often get frustrated and irritable and generally not fun to be around (my poor husband). I don't like surprises, and am generally just a control freak. There. I said it. I like to control the world around me and when I have no control over other people (like my children, potential new bosses, or the person pulling the lotto numbers) I get annoyed. While I'm not perfect (and I hope I never gave you the impression that I was cause I never will be) I am happy to say that I'm learning and I haven't driven either myself or my husband off the deep end in the process. Although I don't want to tempt fate by putting this out there - I'm highly expecting good news tomorrow. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, cross your fingers for me and send happy thoughts my way!

a new day

2011-06-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

We graduated. My husband and I walked last Friday, on our oldest sons third birthday. We have (un)officially obtained our Master's degrees. It was a bit anticlimactic since we have to complete our final class before we are officially done. The empty casing that should have held our degree was simply a reminder that we have more to do. The time we had was exhausting; but luckily we have both of our moms there to help with the kids. I am happy to be home. A week in Vermont with mosquitoes the size of small airplanes was a bit too much, especially for my children who seem to attract them just as much as their mommy does...

I am still waiting on that magical phone call that could transform the comfortable little life we have created here in beautiful CO. I'm wondering if it's the right decision; second guessing myself is something I'm good at (who isn't?). However, since I don't actually have an offer letter in hand I guess I'm putting the cart in front of the horse. In the meantime, i plan on enjoying my time here, doing all the things I have taken for granted simply because they were in my backyard. Lunch with a good friend, a hike perhaps, accupuncture, a date with my husband, maybe even a trip to the Maroon Bells (six years of living in CO and I still haven't been there...)

A new perspective

2011-06-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

it has been quite some time since I was last here...life has gotten away from me a little bit. My baby is turning 3 next week and I'm still not quite sure how that happened (I swear I just brought him home from the hospital...). My youngest is 20 months, and my husband and I are graduating with our Master's degrees next week. My how time flies... About three years ago we were exploring the option of moving to Oklahoma to be closer to my husband's family, and gave it up when certain aspects of life started to fall into place here in Colorado. We are now back in the same place but looking at it from a completely new perspective. Moving to OK is not scary, strange, or nerve-wracking; instead it's an opportunity that I am extremely excited about. We are actively seeking employment that will allow us to buy our first home together; one that has at least an acre so i can create my dream garden, hopefully have chickens and ducks, rain barrels, and a large compost bin. Our lives have significantly changed - for the better. I never thought I would be back in this place now, but can honestly say I haven't been this excited about something in about 20 months.

Labor Day

2009-09-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

The upcoming three day weekend only reminds me that this little boy will soon be arriving and truth be told, I'm not feeling 100% ready for his arrival :)

Sure, the crib is set up, the newborn clothes are washed and we already have the main things like carseats and diapers, but...
the crib needs a mattress pad and clean sheets on it, the newborn clothes are clean but have been sitting crumpled in a laundry basket in my closet for weeks, the diapers need to be washed and hung to dry (not to mention I need to get some baskets to store them in), we need to buy another base for the infant seat and actually install them so the hospital lets us take him home... I could go on and on. Instead, I'll revel in the fact that I get to meet this little guy in about a month (maybe a little more, maybe a little less) and then we get three months home together as a family.

I am so looking forward to that. PB's mom has been in town and it's been nice to have her helping out. Too bad PB hurt his ankle while sliding into 2nd base at this weeks' softball game and therefore he hasn't gotten to do near as much as he'd have liked. My mom will be coming in soon for about 5 days to help as well and hopefully he can do the things he wanted to do this time around. Mom and I will spend some time making some freezer meals and doing some other chores around the house to make it easier when the little guy gets here.

In the meantime I've been knitting up a storm, making wool longies and shorties - the newborn size it so darn adorable! I've got another set of newborns on the needles right now, and another skein of yarn waiting to be cast on for a pair for poopster so he doesn't feel left out. I'd post pics but I think they are on the home computer...

I'm back...for now...

2009-08-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

Things here are going strangely well. The little one is sleeping better and better everyday (though now that I've been open about it I'm sure it will change again). He has 7 teeth (7!) and is walking around like crazy. He loves to dance and it appears that Madonna might be his favorite :)

He's the absolute greatest thing I've ever "done" in my life, and I'm so glad to be his mama. He is in the sweetest, cuddly mood lately and will just wrap his arms tight around my neck and lay his head on my shoulder for a while when I ask him for a hug - I love it. He loves playing catch with daddy and checking out the tomato plants with me everyday after work.

We are slowly preparing for the arrival of his little brother - which we still can't believe could be as soon as 4-5 weeks away. The crib is up and the newborn clothes are clean, but that's about it! I need to pull out the carseat, wash the newborn dipes and generally do all the things that I want to do (you know, the knitting, sewing and making really cool things for him like I did when I was pregnant with Poopy). We toured the hospital this past weekend and are happy to know that we will not be splitting our family up for the first few days of this new little ones life. We can all be together in the hospital until I'm ready to go home which gives me a large amount of relief.

PB is doing well and enjoying being home still. I think we are all looking forward to my maternity leave when the four of us will get three months together - all of us at home. What a gift that many families don't get a chance to have.

Work is still crazy busy but that is life. I've been handed more and more responsibilities and can only hope that means good things for the future. Until the little ones are big enough to get overseas, this job is treating me pretty well and I'm learning a lot on a daily basis.

Life is great

2009-07-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

Life

2009-06-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

Life has certainly been moving quickly this past year. Poopster turned one last week and I really had to stop and wonder where time went - he is sooooo big. He's taking steps, though crawling is still much faster and therefore his preferred method of travel for now. He is saying mom/mama and dada, dah (for duck and doggy) and is getting bigger and bigger every second. He does not look or act like a "baby" anymore which has been a hard thing to come to terms with. Sometimes late at night (or in the middle of the night) when I'm rocking him to sleep and he cuddles in next to me he seems like my baby again, and I know that the feeling will never entirely go away. Even when his little brother arrives in October.

Didn't you hear? We're having another little one and it's gonna be a boy. PB and I are thrilled of course and poopster loves to give his little brother zerberts through my belly which is the cutest thing in the world. It's amazing how blessed we are as a family and I'm honestly in awe of everything that we have going for us.

We're taking him camping for the first time tomorrow which should be really fun - can't wait to see how he handles it as he adores being outside. I've been very bad about updating the flickr account but hope to do so before the end of the weekend...

Ahh, life

2009-04-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a bit crazy these past few weeks. We've got poopster on his new medication and the doc thinks it's working...(we're not 100% convinced yet) and we'll take him back in for another visit in a few weeks. Good news is thta the allergy test came back negative, which means that I got to start adding dairy back into my diet and means we got to give buster some mac&cheese last night - he LOVED it! I'll add some pictures just as soon as I get them uploaded on the computer.

My mom flies in this afternoon and I am really excited for her visit. It's been a while since we've seen her, and poopster has grown so much since December.

Not much else to update on, I'm trying to study as much as I can because my certification exam is in 1 month - eek. I guess it's good I was always better at test taking when I crammed rather than smartly study..

Easter

2009-04-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter all! We lounged at home and had a wonderful time. Didn't even color the eggs until this afternoon but I'm so glad we did it. Poopy loved the brightly colored eggs and couldn't really understand why we didn't want him to eat them...

We're on day 4 of his new medicine - not sure if it's working yet or not, doc said to give it minimum two weeks before we'll really know if it's working or not. He seems to be doing well, Friday night he didn't sleep too well but last night was great. He came to bed with us around 6 or so and all three of us slept in until approximately 8. I love those mornings. Poopy cuddles up next to the hubby and seems pretty content to share the bed with mommy and daddy.

Bought a bread maker yesterday and have already made two loaves - the garlic, black pepper bread I made to go with our steaks tonight was fantastic. Can't wait to try out some sweet breads, I'm thinking cinnamon raisin... yum.

Still studying for my certification exam at the end of May. I've got a long way to go to be prepared for the test so here's hoping I start having time at work to read some of the books (still on the first of 5 - eek!)

spring snow

2009-03-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

Thursday brought the first real snow storm we've seen this year. I went in to work for about an hour just to grab everything I needed and proceeded to get my butt home! We ended up with 15inches at our house which meant I worked from home Thursday and Friday which was really nice. It was great not having to pump and was just fun overall to be with the hubby and poopster all day - I got to see how they spend their days which was cool.

Saturday and today have been hard - we think the poopy has a soy allergy as well as the milk protein allergy as the last two nights have been no sleep, pained cries, hard stomach and a very unhappy baby who is fighting sleep. So we're pulling back on the soy yogurt and the tofu that he had been getting and we'll see if that works. I just hate to see him in pain :(

Hubby built him a fort today, it's in our living room and poopy loves it! he can crawl around in it and hang out - he just has a ball. I'll get some video of it at some point and hopefully I can figure out how to get the video on the blog...we'll see.

The Poop

2009-03-22T20:52:00.000-07:00

We have tons of crazy nicknames for the little one - Poopster, the poop, buster; we joke sometimes that if we are overheard by strangers they are going to think we are crazy... either way, he does look at us when he hears any of the nicknames in addition to his name.

He grins like a maniac when he sees me come home from work. It's the absolute greatest feeling in the entire world. He is showing incredible personality and is soooo alert. So many people have said this to us - how he's more alert and focused than any other baby they have seen. Frankly he's been that way since he was born. He is constantly checking out the world around him.

His sleep is still touch and go - I think he's finally starting to teethe although I've been saying that since 4 months and he doesn't have any teeth yet :). I think the trips and lack of continuity in routine has definitely affected him. Although last night he only woke up at 2am to nurse and then again at 6am. After nursing at 6am I thought he was going to be up for the day (it's pretty standard) so I brought him into our bed thinking I'd get another 15-20 minutes if I was lucky. He slept between us for the next 2 hours! I can't remember the last time hubby and I got to sleep in together. It was great - add to that the fact that poopy was absolutely adorable, snuggling in next to each of us to get comfortable, and I was just in heaven.

When I was feeding him his dinner tonight he started to make a funny face so I make a fish face at him. He laughed so I kept doing it, and he started to make his own fishy face! I called hubby in (he was getting ready to go play poker with the guys) and poopy made the face for him too. Of course as soon as we got the camcorder out he just smiled for the camera, but I was glad that hubs got to see it before he left.

All in all it was a fantastic weekend - we all got to relax and hang out. Played mini-golf with friends yesterday, planted my seeds for the spring/summer garden, and just got to have fun together. The naps I got both yesterday and today also helped - my energy lately is just shot. And now I get to chill, make some cookies while poopy sleeps and wait for hubby to get home.

Cali

2009-03-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

At the last minute I was told I needed to make a trip to one of our offices in CA - to do more layoffs. Not fun. Add to that the fact that I've never left poopster overnight (or even with a babysitter) and the tears started flowing (damn hormones!). Thankfully I was alone at my desk when the waterworks started, otherwise it would have been worse. I called the hubby and at his recommendation I started looking for flights for him and we ended up going out early, making a weekend trip out of it and having a ball!

We got to take poopster to the beach...

He ate some sand...

Played in the pool for the first time...

And just generally had a great time. Yet another reason why I love my husband so much - he made something that could have been so horrible for me into a fantastic weekend with the family.

He's crawling all over the place now - has pretty much given up on the scooting as he found that he moves more quickly when he gets up on his knees. When he gets on tile it's even better - he gets in a downward dog pose (hands and feet) and walks/crawls like that. It's hilarious to watch and I think it's because he doesn't like how the tile feels on his knees. Either way he's adorable.

MIA

2009-03-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

So, I've been missing in action for the past few months - It's been hectic with the holidays, the babe's sleeping habits (which are finally getting better!), and all the crazy things going on with my job. So, to recap breifly, we moved the poopster to his own room right after Christmas :(. He actually started sleeping much better pretty much right away which means that PB was right when he said we were probably keeping him awake at night. Sleep has been touch and go but for the most part it's significantly better than it was from months 4-6. He's also now napping in his crib thanks solely to my superhero husband and fab stay-at-home-dad. I can't take any credit for that one.

We had visitors and went to Tulsa for a short weekend. It has been fun but honestly I'm looking forward to being just the three of us again for a while.

We switched to cloth diapering at 7 months and haven't looked back - I love it! It is saving us time and money, and poopster hasn't had any issues. While the initial start up was a couple hundred, we won't have to buy any more diapers - ever. These will last him until he potty-learns. So, we'll definitely be saving money in the next few months.

We've had the mildest winter that I've seen in Colorado in a long time, and I must say I'm pretty thankful. I'm not sure I'm digging the snow and cold much anymore especially now that I'm worried about how warm poopster is when we're out and about.

Speaking of poopster - he's getting bigger and cuter every day (if that's even possible). He is a total ham and loves the camera!!

Family

2008-12-17T19:43:00.001-08:00

My mom was just here for a visit - it was wonderful to have her here. She really helped with poopster and it was great to see her with him. Hubby and I went out (first time leaving poopster) to my company holiday party. It was nice to get out and we are looking forward to establishing some kind of date night in the near future.

Poopster is 6 months old today. I can't believe how time flies. It feels like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital; a tiny 6lb 1oz when we left, he's now a healthy 15lbs. I love watching him grow, learn and experience new things. He's still rolling like crazy, laughing, and is very interested in the world around him. Everything catches his eye and he finds the funniest things amusing/interesting. When we rock in the living room and I hold him on the right side he stares up at the ceiling and just smiles. Every time. The ceiling is blank so we aren't sure what's making him smile but something is. It's like he has a secret picture that only he can see when he looks up there.

I love his smile. Not only is it the sweetest image on the face of the planet (who could resist that gummy smile???) but it means he's happy and that melts my heart. In general he's a pretty happy little guy, and hubby and I love to think that he's happy with us as parents... I guess we won't really know the answer to that one until he's a teenager :)

Santa Baby...

2008-12-12T21:25:00.000-08:00

Sorry for my prolonged absence from the blog. It's been extremely hectic at work as the transition is taking quite a bit longer than I had initially anticipted. I'm still doing at least two jobs, and don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon. I'm excited about the new opportunities, and as soon as I have time to relax a bit, may even be able to do some work trips to Alaska, Hawaii and Guam (crossing fingers...).

We moved as well... about a month ago and are now trying to settle into a house much much closer to work. Once we made the decision that PB would stay home with the little guy we decided it was time to cut my commute time - it's now under 15 minutes in rush hour!

We started solids, oatmeal speccifically, the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Buster loved it! He knew exactly what to do immediately and was quickly leaning in to reach the spoon, trying to grab the spoon out of my hand, and crying when he finished all the oatmeal! I am still amazed everyday by my beautiful boy. We've successfully introduced carrots (last week) and tonight proceeded to sweet potatoes. He wasn't a big fan of the carrots initially, but I think he's come around. He liked the sweet potatoes pretty well right off the bat. I can't believe how much fun each new thing is.

Buster is rolling over consistently whenever we put him on his back - it's right to grabbing the feet, rolling on the side, and moving onto the belly... he's also putting everything in his mouth and is ready for his teeth to cut through the gums... as are mommy and daddy :) although I still can't get over his gummy smile - which I now get whenever I walk in the door after work. It's the best thing in the whole world and melts my heart everytime.

This week my building at work had a holiday party with a very realistic looking Santa. Buster was fascinated by Santa. He didn't cry and could not stop looking at Santa - I wasn't sure if it was the beard (which he grabbed), the hat or the big red suit, but he was in a trance... we are really looking forward to Christmas this year with our little guy.

Promotion

2008-10-22T12:58:00.001-07:00

So, it's official - last week I was offered a promotion at work; a nice jump that takes me at least two levels higher than I am now... so this re-org is working out in my favor. The final details have yet to be ironed out, but it means that Chris will be a stay-at-home daddy and I will stay at work. For now. While I know this is the right decision for our family financially, it's one that weighs on my heart. PB is a great dad, and baby boy isn't in daycare which is the most important thing to me, but it is still hard to not be the one home with Colin each day. It's been a rough time being back at work - pumping, stressing, not getting as much quality time with my little guy as I was when on maternity leave... It's still for the best. I should know soon about the salary increase that comes along with this promotion, and it will allow me to get the global certification I want. It will also give hubby time to go back and get his master's, so that when we are ready for baby #2, he'll have the master's and I can stay at home with both kiddos while he goes back to work. Sigh. I'm actually really excited about the work opportunities but I can't help but feel sad about the timing.

We don't have all the answers so we're just taking it one day at a time. I'm so thankful for both of the boys in my life - they make everything worth it.

Autumn

2008-10-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

It's fall here. I'm really not sure when that happened, but the seasons have changed and summer passed me by. Perhaps I was just too busy spending time with Colin, but I'm really shocked that so much time has passed. How is he almost four months old? I can't believe that it's October... and that we're thinking about Halloween. How cute is our little monkey??? I haven't found one that quite fits him yet, so even though this one is 12 - 18 mos I couldn't pass it up.

To try to get out and enjoy the beautiful Colorado colors we took a drive this weekend. We originally headed up to the Estes Park area, but soon realized we'd become one of the dreaded "leafers" and quickly turned back. We ended up at Lion Gulch Trailhead and had a wonderful time hiking and enjoying the fall colors and crisp air.

My beautiful boy

2008-10-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while, mainly because I am swamped at work and when I'm not at work I want to spend 100% of my time with my beautiful boy... I am so lucky that my husband is a phenomenal dad and that while I'm at work he is the one at home with our little one. They come to visit me at work and we have lunch at a park nearby - it's the highlight of my week and I love being able to relax at lunch with my baby. I still can't believe how big he's getting! He's now in size 2 diapers, loves to suck on his hands, talks and coos whenever he gets the opportunity and is so happy the majority of the time. His gummy smile melts my heart.

I love to see the change in my husband as well. Being the primary caregiver during the weekdays has given him a new confidence with Colin. I know it's semi-unsual for dads to be the stay at home parent, and I know how lucky we all are that they are getting this incredible bonding time.

Work is going through a global reorganization in the coming year - and our department is already starting the process. If I didn't know that my tiny department is already extremely overworked and overwhelmed I would be worried. Instead, I'm actually excited about the new possibilities that this re-org brings. While I would love to be the stay at home parent full time, if I get promoted and make enough for Chris to stay at home then it's the sensible thing for our family if I'm the one that works full-time. Anyway, it's still a bit earlier to talk about as nothing has been announced yet. However, the rumor-mill is going full strength and if they hold a minute aount of truth to them, my department is going to go through a major over-haul, my boss will be shifting to a new area and it could get interesting. I'll keep you posted...

Visiting family and back to work

2008-09-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

last week we took a trip to AZ to visit my family and show off baby boy to everyone. It was a nice trip, though it was EXTREMELY hot! Luckily the A/C decided to wait until the night we left to completely break down. While I'm terribly sorry for my mom I'm thankful that it stayed working for our visit for baby boy's sake...

After we returned home it was time to get ready for my return to work :(. FMLA time was up, and hubby's had started. He's now at home with the little one, and while I'm totally jealous because he's where I want to be, I'm so glad that they have this bonding time and frankly, I'm thankful that my husband actually WANTED to stay home with him. A girl I work with told me she can hardly get her husband to change a diaper. I feel sorry for her because to me, that sounds like she's a single mom - not in a partnership...

My first day back I cried the whole way to work, talked about Colin all day long, posted pics all over my desk etc. Absolutely no work was completely during that time. I'm slooooowly transitioning to do some actual work, since I have reviewed the 1313 emails that were sitting in my inbox - eek!! It's getting easier in the sense that I'm getting numb - I still cry, and it's still really hard to leave him in the morning. But, I'm thankful that he's not in daycare and that he's home with daddy, and I know they are getting such an incredible experience right now. That gets me through the day. Although I do count down the minutes until I get home to my boys.

Labor Day Weekend Update

2008-09-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

We were a little nervous about taking Colin on an 11+ hour car ride to Tulsa this past weekend but it went pretty well. We had a few bumps in the road at the beginning, but quickly figure out how to make it work. After spending two hours reaching into the carseat in the back, we stopped, nursed and I moved to the backseat to be next to Colin. That seemed to work pretty well. I was also glad to have brought the battery-operated pump because I was able to pump and feed him from a bottle which made things super easy. We headed out after Chris got off work on Friday and made it just past Salina before we got a hotel. Baby boy had been put in jammies when we stopped for dinner in Hays and had fallen right asleep. It was the first time he had really slept since we had gotten in the car that afternoon, so needless to say he didn't even open his eyes when I changed his diaper in the hotel! Poor thing was pooped. The next morning we didn't rush and headed out to Stillwater to stay with Chris' old college roommate. His little girl will be one this month and she's just a cutie. The first thing she did was come over and give Colin a kiss :) I think he's got his first girlfriend.

The next day we headed to Chris' mom's house and had lunch with the family. Colin got pretty fussy and I think it was mainly because he's used to mom 24/7 and not used to being passed around and generally having so much going on. We took a long nap and he felt better. On Monday we went to the cabin his aunt and uncle have on the lake and hung out with his dad's side of the family. Spent the night up there and headed home on Tuesday. It was a great trip...

lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

2008-08-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

On Saturday we needed to get out of the house, so we got in the car and started driving...usually doesn't lead us anywhere interesting, but this time we headed to the Denver Zoo. We figured we'd just walk around and head home when it got too hot but luckily about 30 minutes into it we got incredible cloud cover and a nice breeze so we hung out for quite some time, showing Colin all the animals and having a great time together. Some pics...

2 month Pedi appointment and shots :(

2008-08-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

So, last Wednesday the 20th we had our two month appointment with the pedi. Colin did great - he's 24 1/4 in long and weighs 11 lbs 5 oz - He's exactly five pounds higher than his birth weight!! He was 90th percentile for height, 50th for weight, and 40th for head size. I swear he's going to tower over me when he hits junior high!

We also had the two month shots, and after reading Dr. Sears' The Vaccine Book and talking to our pedi we have decided to delay a few of the vaccines. Didn't want to overload his poor little body with too much when it wasn't necessarily the right time for a vaccine. So, that being said, he got 3 shots and one oral vaccine. He hated the shots and cried (so did mommy) and was so happy when they were done. He got pretty sleepy afterwards and we gave him some baby tylenol to help.

Unfortunately I had forgotten all about the appointment when I scheduled our family photo shoot with Sara, so she came over and he was just too fussy. We tried, but when we got to the park Colin wouldn't/couldn't stop rying/screaming so we postponed it. Will most likely reschedule the shoot for after the holiday weekend.

getting bigger everyday...

2008-08-11T13:34:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how much Colin is growing everyday. He wore his last newborn pampers swaddler yesterday - we're now on to size one's. I hate to admit it but I got teary-eyed when I realized my baby boy is growing up.

He's also just found his hand and will suck on the whole hand if a binky isn't available... I haven't been able to catch a picture of him doing that yet though, so instead - look at how cute he is in the bath...

Pics of the wrap :)

2008-08-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

Baby wearing

2008-08-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

I am a huge believer in baby wearing. After reading about all the benefits of baby wearing while I was pregnant, I researched different slings and wraps, and decided I like the hotsling. So, I searched on ebay and got a smoking deal on a super cute one; I think I spent about $10 (which al came from doing online surveys - so it was basically free!). Once Colin arrived, we quickly discovered it didn't work. He was too long, or just didn't fit right in it so I put it away, figuring I'd sell it, and just resigned myself to holding and carrying him. He was so small it didn't really matter at that point.

When he was about a month old we took him to our Bradley instructor's house to show him off and share our birth story. She is a big supporter of baby wearing and told me she really liked the maya wrap with her two little ones. So, off to craigslist I went and found one there for a good deal... which he again hated. I realized that both of these used the cradle carry, and I guess he either didn't like it or didn't feel comfortable.

A little sad that I spent $40 on two carries that he didn't like, we used the snugli for a walk. He loved the way that one held him. I didn't want to use a snugli as our main method of carrying him since I've heard various arguments from the medical field that it's not good for their development and bone structure. But, I wanted to find something that mimicked it - preferrably one I could make.

Tada! Here is what I found - used a 40% off coupon to Hobby Lobby yesterday and bought 5 yards of white cotton jersey knit (makes three wraps) and cut it this morning. He LOVES IT! Finally found an awesome solution. Will post pics of him in it later...

Sleep

2008-08-03T17:51:00.000-07:00

Colin loves to sleep on me. I've written about that before, and how we didn't plan to co-sleep but kinda feel into it when we decided that getting sleep was more important than sticking to a plan we made before he actually arrived. It worked well, though at the beginning "sleep" mainly consisted of Colin sleeping on my chest. The first night in the hospital he was so pooped out he slept all night, not a peep out of him. The nurse came in around 4 to wake us up for his feeding (he had eated around midnight the night before) but we couldn't wake him up... extremely nervewracking and I realized then and there that a super quiet baby at night wasn't necessarily a good thing. After quite some time trying to wake him up it was decided that we'd take him to the nursery - ugh. I got ready to fight the nurses on the formula issue. Chris went with him immediately, I stayed for just a minute or two to tend to a few things, then met up with them in the nursery. Luckily, his glucose levels were great, which meant that I wouldn't have to fight the formula battle just yet. Turns out his core temp had dropped to about 97, which is very low for a newborn, and he was sleeping because he had to - no energy to be awake. The neonatal nurse wanted to keep him in the warmer for a few hours to bring his temp back up and promised he wouldn't get any formula, and that she would bring him back to us when he was better. With that, Chris and I headed back to our room to get some sleep.

The next night was much better. He acted like what I would expect a newborn to act like, but Chris and I decided to bring him to our bed. It was too hard for me to get in and out of the bed to get him when he cried, and honestly, we couldn' t take our eyes off him. That's how the co-sleeping started. He slept so much better when he was with us.

Our first night home from the hospital we learned that our beautiful plan didn't work so well. He fussed the entire time, and I finally went to the living room recliner and pseudo-slept with him on my chest all night. There was really no need for both of us to be completely sleep deprived, and Colin wasn't leaving my arms yet.

Luckily we discovered the miracle blanket somewhere around week 3 or 4 and ever since then he's only woken up once at night. Granted, he is an earlier riser (somewhere between 4:30 and 6am no matter what time he goes down for the night) but we've learned to adjust our schedules and to find nap time for us. Weekends are much easier to find time for a nap...

Right now Colin is asleep on my legs - and that's pretty much par for the course on naps - he really doesn't sleep well during the day unless he's napping on mom or dad (preferably mom). So, I have figured out how to do many things while he's napping on me...blog, clip coupons, catch up on emails, pay bills online...you get the drill. And while sometimes I think how great it would be if he napped in his crib so I could cook, clean, do laundry, use the bathroom etc... I know it won't be forever, and there will be a time that he won't want to nap on me and I'll long for this time. So for now, I'm just going to enjoy it.

Catching up...

2008-07-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Colin,

Wow, so much has happened in the last week. I suppose I need to start getting used to that - you growing up and getting big and everything changing daily it seems. You really are getting to be such a big boy! At your doctor's appointment on Friday we learned you are 8lbs 14ozs - I cannnot believe you are almost 9lbs - you gained almost two whole pounds in about three weeks! You still love to eat :). You are also 22 1/2 inches long, so you've grown two inches since you were born. Daddy joked with the nurse who was measuring you and asked when they stopped referring to it as length and started referring to it as height... I guess we still have some time on that one.

You also had your one month "birthday". You looked so cute...see??

Also, yesterday when we were doing some "tummy time" (which you generally love) you decided it was the perfect time to roll over - from your belly to your back, amazing both mommy and daddy who were right there to see it happen for the first time ever! You then proceeded to do it several more times, as if to prove to us that it wasn't a fluke, that you knew exactly what you were doing and didn't care that all the baby books said you weren't supposed to be doing that for another month or so at least.

This is you right after rolling over from your belly:

And, to prove that your favorite place to sleep is on mommy, here's a cute picture of one of your recent naps - I have no idea how you can sleep like that, but you stayed there for over an hour...

2008-07-15T17:51:00.001-07:00

Dear Colin,

Today you are 4 weeks old. I can't believe how quickly time is flying by! You really are getting big every day, and we can't wait to see how much you've grown when we take you to your doctor's appointment on Friday.

This weekend daddy took us up Flagstaff Mountain, and you really enjoyed being outside. It's been really hot this summer, so we thought a drive up into the mountains would be a good way to beat the heat. You slept pretty much the entire time, but we got some good pictures of you!

Lately you've been fighting naps - which means you get really tired during the day, and can only sleep when you are laying on mommy or daddy... it's your favorite thing. You slept really well last night - you generally do. We have our good days and our bad days. You are still sleeping in our bed - you just don't seem ready for your crib yet...it's so big and you are still so small. I secretly love it so I'm not in any real hurry to move you to your own bed yet.

You helped me make daddy's birthday cake yesterday when you woke up from your nap - we had fun helping dad celebrate, and you thought the best way to make it a memorable birthday for dad would be to cry throughout our lunch out! You were simply tired and again - fighting a nap. I think (hope) it's just a phase you'll grow out of.

You finally liked hanging out in your swing this morning - you were there for about 20 minutes, which let mommy get some breakfast :) Yay!

Mommy and Daddy are thinking about moving to Tulsa, where daddy's family lives - so right now we are planning that out, looking for a house for you and for jobs. We really want you to have everything, and to grow up around family, so this seems to be the best option. We are really excited about this new prospect, especially since you'll have a cousin so close to you in age.

I love you honey - you are such an amazing little guy and I can't imagine what my life was like without you in it.

2008-07-01T16:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Colin,

You are two weeks old today. I can't believe how time flies. We've already taken you to your first doctor's appointment (June 23rd) where we learned you weighed 7 pounds! This was pretty incredible considering when we left the hospital you had dropped to 6 pounds 1 ounce. You also lost your belly button stump on June 25th and your circumcision ring on June 29th. Today daddy and I took you back to the hospital for the follow up blood work that needed to be done.

In the two weeks since you were born I've learned so many things about you, and about being a mom.

I've learned that not even those all-nighters in college could have prepared me for the broken sleep I'm now getting!
You make the craziest facial expressions - so many different ones I wish I could catch them all on film.
You have the greatest smile, something you do often.
You don't cry much, but you do make a lot of different noises. Daddy and I have nicknames for you based on a few of your noises (pteradactyl and Beeker the squeeker to name a few)
Some of your other nicknames are: Buster, Buster Brown, Sweet Pea, Little Guy, Butt-face (when you're sleepy), Poopster, Poopybutt, Tootness, Poopy pants and Monkey.
I also call you my little piggy because you snort and root around when you are hungry and frustrated.
You a a very mellow, relaxed baby.
You love to be held, and especially to be bounced by daddy (bounce with me, bounce with me)
You generally sleep for two hours and wake up very excited to eat - I think it's your favorite thing to do so far :) Which could explain the weight gain at your first doctor's appointment.
You've already met one gramma and will get to meet the other one this weekend.
You have loud and stinky farts and poop.
You love to be outside.
You are very alert and look all around you, taking everything in.
Daddy and I could spend hours staring at you.
You headbutt things and flail your arms and legs around, but you are a very strong little boy who can lift his head, already tries to crawl during tummy time, and can roll over from side to side all on your own.
You prefer to sleep on your side rather than your back.
You prefer to sleep on our bed rather than in your crib.
You prefer to sleep on mommy or daddy's chest rather than in our bed.
You are still the most perfect, beautiful baby in the entire world. Your dad and I are amazed everyday at how lucky and blessed we are to have you in our lives.
I love you more and more every day little one.

love, mama

Colin Daniel - A Birth Story

2008-06-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

I went to work on Monday, June 16th as normal. I had woken up that morning to get ready for work and had some bloody discharge around 6:40am. I told PB about it, and said that it could be nothing, but it could also be the "bloody show" that we had heard about, which meant that labor could be starting. I definitely felt contractions, but after our false alarm a week and a half ago, we decided not to start timing them until they got difficult. That afternoon got the best of me and I logged onto contractionmaster.com and started timing the contractions. I kept getting interrupted, but determined they were averaging 5-8 minutes apart. They didn't hurt yet, just made me feel out of breath, so I ignored them, finished up the day and tried not to think about it. On my way out of work, I went to my boss's office and showed her the work for the next day's training. I remember telling her, "in case I'm not here tomorrow, here's all the training materials I've been working on...". Little did I know that I wouldn't be in the next day - it was more of a joke...

That night PB and I went for our ritual walk around the nearby park - I was convinced if I walked enough I could walk this baby right out. When we got home, I realized I was exhausted, and fell asleep for a few hours. PB woke me up for dinner, which we ate around 9pm or so, and we hit the bed shortly after that...I was still pretty tired.

I woke up a few times to pee in the middle of the night, and around 4am or so I realized that I was covered in sweat. Didn't think too much of it, just did my thing and went back to bed. When I woke up again, it was about 5am or so. I was definitely still having contractions, but it was too early to wake up PB, and they weren't too bad - at this point I realized I wasn't a great judge of what were "real" contractions and what weren't. I figured there was no point in waking him up until I knew for sure, or it was time to get ready for work. So, I timed the contractions until 6:15am when the alarm went off, and then woke PB to tell him I was still having them. He snoozed as usual until about 6:35am or so, and then asked if I wanted to go to work that day. They were still not so bad that I didn't know if this was "it" or not, but realized I just wanted the day off. So I told him I wouldn't go in, and he decided to stay home as well. We both called in to work, and then PB went back to sleep. (He later told me his rational was that if this was "it" he'd need all the energy and sleep he could bank now). I got up and took a shower, having decided that it would feel fantastic and if we were going to the hospital later I'd at least be clean. I ate some breakfast in bed and watched tv while PB slept. Around 9 or 9:30 we both got up for a shower (my second of the day) - still felt great.

Right about that time they started getting a little tougher, and I'd just slowly count to ten, breathing deeply with each count, to get through the peak of the contraction. It went this way for a while, I layed in bed, totally focused on the contractions that were getting increasingly difficult, while PB cleaned up the house - dishes, laundry, general picking up... At one point we tried to play cribbage out on the porch, and that's when I talked to my mom, to tell her what was going on... I had to stop during each contraction, and PB would shuffle for me. I asked him during the game if he thought we were going to have a baby today, and he said probably, but he still wasn't sure. I asked him to give me a time he thought the BT would be born if he was born today, and PB guessed 11:11pm. We didn't finish the game. They were getting tougher and I decided I needed to just lay back down in bed and focus.

We were aiming to make our regular 39 week doctor's appointment that afternoon at 4:45pm, so we didn't have to go through the experience of being turned away from the hospital again. Well, around 1:30pm PB realized that he needed to call the doc - the tractors (contractions) had been consistently 5 minutes apart for a few hours. I still didn't realize what was going on, I was just focusing on each tractor as it happened. They told him to bring me in to the office right away, so he finished getting our bags together, loaded up the car with the boppy, body pillow, diaper bag, hosiptal bag and food that we wanted to bring to the hospital, and came back for me. It took a few tries for me to make it, I had to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't really walk during a contraction. But, we eventually made it into the car and we were off to the doctor's office - about a 20-25 minute ride away - depending on traffic. Contractions didn't stop or change in the car, and halfway there I told PB that no matter what the Doc said, we were going to the hospital, cause I couldn't make that car ride again.

When we got to the doctor's office we had a few minute wait, which was fine since I had to go to the bathroom again. Jaime, the tech/assistant we'd had our whole pregnancy, was ready with the doppler etc, but considering I was still having contractions, we skipped both. She said she could tell I was in pain, and we didn't need to do it. So I got undressed and waited for my doc to come in and check me. I was terrified she'd tell me that I was only 3 or 4 cm dilated. When she got in the room it was hard because I had to lay flat on my back - not a good position for laboring in!

She began the internal exam, which hurt, definitely more than what was uncomfortable before. All of a sudden we heard, "you're 7 cm dilated, 100% effaced, bulging bag of waters and the baby's head is at +1 station. You need to go to the hospital right away". As soon as I heard that I got tears in my eyes - it FINALLY hit me that this was it, that these contractions were real and that we were going to have a baby. I was so scared she was going to tell me that I was still at 2+ cm dilated and that I hadn't made any progress. The doc left the room, and as soon as I sat up from the examining table my water broke - what a weird feeling - it was this warm gush of water, and it made it that much more real in my head.

We hurried out to the car and I was able to call my mom on during the very short drive over to the hospital to tell her the news. It was 2:40. When we pulled up to the valet parking, PB grabbed all the bags and pillows and we headed inside. Once inside the lobby PB realized that we didn't grab the camera from the car - so he ran back out to grab it rather than going back down for it later. We took the elevator to the second floor, and got buzzed in to The Birthplace. This time I was in triage for less than 5 minutes - all they wanted to do was get my weight - and then we were off to room 2006.

We met Claire, our nurse once inside, and she gave me a gown and said that since my water broke after being examined, she was going to have to do another internal. Another contraction hit before I could change, so I leaned over the bed and breathed through it. She asked what type of pain management we wanted to use, and I said, "nothing". She replied, "great, I'll do my best to help you" and I felt much better. I got changed into the gown and on the bed for the internal. I was a bit shocked to find out that less than 15 minutes after the last exam that I was already at 8 cm - this was going to be fast!

Claire got the monitors hooked up to me, and put in the hep-lock. Everything was a bit of a blur. It was so hot in the room so PB kept blowing on my face - that helped. The contractions were so hard now that the water had broken. At some point Claire tried to get me to lay on my side, but the back of the bed was raised, which made it extremely uncomfortable, so I just tried to do my best. The contractions were now starting to come on top of each other - I don't remember getting a break at all. The baby was having some complications during the contractions, so Claire gave PB an oxygen mask to put over my mouth at the peak of the contraction - it seemed to help some.

The next thing I knew my doctor was in the room, my bed was raised and the doc asked me if I was ready to push. Ummmmm, no. Not yet. And that's exactly what I told her. I honestly didn't feel the need to push yet - and everything I'd learned in my Bradley classes told me that you push when it hurts not to push. I was certainly not at that point yet. My doc decided otherwise and told me we had to get the baby out now. There had been meconium in the water, so they were anxious to get him out as soon as possible. They lost the baby's heartbeat on the monitors, and kept moving those around to try to find it but could only pick up mine. It was time to get the baby out.

My feet were put up in the stirrups, PB on my right side and Claire on the left, to help me hold my legs back in the semi-squatting position. The doc told me to wait until the contractions were at the peak to push, and then she counted to ten for me. The first few pushes were very ineffective as I still wasn't at the point of feeling the need to push. About the third contraction though I got the hang of it. I was holding my knees back, holding my breath for the ten seconds while pushing, getting another breath and doing it all over again.

Finally someone said they could see the head, and that he had blonde hair. A nurse asked if we had a camera, so PB gave it to her. The memory card wasn't in it, but somewhere in the camera bag - PB was searching for it, but couldn't find it. I was trying to explain to him where it was, but another contraction was coming on, and I told him to leave it, that I needed him with me. After that one passed, he got the card, gave it to the nurse, and she somehow got it properly installed. She asked if I cared what she took pictures of and I said no, she could take pictures of anything and everything.

They asked if I wanted a mirror to see the head, and I said no, only because I had to keep my eyes shut in order to concentrate. I did reach down and feel the head though, which was pretty wild. PB was still blowing on my face and kept telling me I could do it, that I was doing great. I'm sure there were other people talking to me, but I only heard him.

Finally, the head was beginning to crown. My legs were shaking and I felt that I couldn't push any more. My doc told me one last push, that he had to come out now. So I gave it everything I had, and I finally felt his head come out. A quick pull from my doc and the rest of the body was delivered as well. I didn't want it to happen like that, but I also didn't realize how concerned they were with the baby. The doc told us she was cutting the cord because she needed to get him to the nursery nurses right away. She did show him to us, and PB and I looked at each other, both of us with tears in our eyes, and kissed.

PB went with the baby, who was very white and very small, and I had to focus on delivering the placenta. My hep-lock had been put in to give me pitocin to help deliver the placenta, but it fell out when Claire tried to flush it with water. It didn't matter because the placenta delivered spontaneously within 5 minutes or so. My doc then told me I had 2 first degree tears and quite a few papercut-type tears. She stitched up the two larger ones and then I got to focus on my baby.

He still hadn't cried, so the nurses were running all the bloodwork and tests they needed to do. PB was with him the whole time. Finally, I got to hear my baby cry for the first time. It was such a beautiful sound! They gave him to me to breastfeed, and then took him again to weigh him etc.

We had checked into the hospital at 3:07pm and Colin Daniel arrived at 4:03pm - less than one hour later.

4:03pm 6/17/08

6 pounds, 5 ounces

20 1/2 inches long

13 3/4 inch head diameter

Happy Birthday little one. We love you.

Week 39

2008-06-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

How your baby's growing:Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.See what your baby looks like this week.Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
How your life's changing:At each of your now-weekly visits, your caregiver will do an abdominal exam to check your baby's growth and position. She might also do an internal exam to see whether your cervix has started ripening: softening, effacing (thinning out), and dilating (opening). But even armed with this information, there's still no way for your caregiver to predict exactly when your baby is coming. If you go past your due date, your caregiver will schedule you for fetal testing (usually a sonogram) after 40 weeks to ensure that it's safe to continue the pregnancy. If you don't go into labor on your own, most practitioners will induce labor when you're between one and two weeks overdue — or sooner if there's an indication that the risk of waiting is greater than the risks of delivering your baby without further delay.While you're waiting, it's important to continue to pay attention to your baby's movements and let your caregiver know right away if they seem to decrease. Your baby should remain active right up to delivery, and a noticeable slowdown in activity could be a sign of a problem. Also call if you think your water may have broken. Membranes rupture before the beginning of labor in about 8 percent of term pregnancies. Sometimes there's a big gush of fluid, but sometimes there's only a small gush or a slow leak. (Don't try to make the diagnosis yourself. Call even if you only suspect you have a leak.) If you rupture your membranes and don't start contractions on your own, you'll be induced.

Still no baby...

2008-06-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

I swore I wouldn't be one of those women who were sent home from the hospital because they weren't truly in labor... it was too early etc. Well, Friday night we were sent home from the hospital. I had been in a long meeting on Thursday, and had timed my contractions - they were anywhere from 6 - 10 minutes apart. So, I headed home, called PB to let him know. I hadn't been feeling like myself since that morning... was very dizzy, not quite right. PB met me at home and we started timing the contractions... getting a little closer, and when we walked in the park they were much much closer... but each time I sat down, slowed down, took a shower etc - they slowed back down. Went to sleep that night early and woke up Friday to walk some more. We were pretty sure that it would happen that weekend - and hey 06/07/08 is a pretty cool birthday - one my mom even said she'd be able to remember :)

We walked and walked, hung out, got excited, finished packing our bags etc. We had our interview with the pediatrician that afternoon, so we headed into town early to have lunch, hang out (also got an oil change) and went to the appointment. Really liked the doc - and got some questions answered which was nice. The clinic is across the street from the hospital, and the disc golf course where PB plays is right behind it. So, he played and I walked and walked and walked. Probably 4+ miles, and I swear my feet felt like they were going to fall off. But, on the bright side - contractions were about 2 minutes apart. Even when I slowed down, sat down or stopped walking, they were less than 4 minutes apart. And some of them were lasting well over 12 minute long - many of they were lasting 3 - 4 minutes (they ones that had more time in between). So we grabbed some food - hung out at a friends house until we were sure they didn't change in consistency.. and headed to the hospital. Didn't bring anything up, and PB was very sweet to tell me that no matter what happened it was all good - I'm so glad he said that, cause when we got to the maternity ward, they hooked me up to the monitors and yes, I was having contractions, however I was no more dilated than I was before, and even though I was now 75% effaced, the contractions, while coming quickly, were not strong enough to make me progress.

I was so dissapointed. I was sure it was it. It's not that I don't like being pregnant, because I love it. I'm not uncomfortable (most of the time) and I'm not trying to be impatient, but I had my mind convinced that it was happening, so to change that thought process was kinda difficult. I have processed it now, and we decided to stop timing any contractions, which certainly led to a more relaxed weekend. So, here I am, Monday morning - back at work, no baby (stubborn little guy).

Here are some of the updated photos:

Diaper Bag I made:

Crib Organizer I made:

Wood Block Letters PB and I made:

"I love you to the moon and back" sign PB and I painted:

Maternity Pictures

2008-06-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

Week 38

2008-06-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Your baby has really plumped up. He weighs about 6.8 pounds and he's over 19 1/2 inches long He has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold his hand for the first time! His organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If he's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If he's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time he's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after he's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

How your life's changing: For many women, the next couple of weeks are a waiting game. Use this time to prepare your baby's nursery or to take care of necessary tasks you may not get around to for a while after your baby's born. Take naps, catch up on your reading, and spend uninterrupted time with your partner while you can.Some swelling in your feet and ankles is normal during these last weeks, but call your practitioner without delay if you notice excessive or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, more than slight swelling of your hands, any swelling in your face or puffiness around your eyes, or have a sudden weight gain. Also let her know immediately if you have severe or persistent headaches; visual changes (such as double or blurred vision, seeing spots or flashing lights, light sensitivity, or a temporary loss of vision), intense upper abdominal pain or tenderness, or nausea and vomiting. These are symptoms of a serious condition called preeclampsia.

2008-06-04T15:27:00.000-07:00

Baby thoughts

2008-06-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

PB and I are soooo extremely excited we can barely contain it. I am three centimeters dilated, 50% effaced, and the BT's head is fully engaged. While the doc thinks we'll be back in the office for next weeks appointment (38 week apt), we don't know how much longer we'll have after that.

Soooo, we almost have a baby. A new addition to our family. Something to fall in love with immediately. I can't wait....I mean, I can wait, I guess I just don't really want to :) I'm ready to see him, see who he looks like, hear him cry, see him with his daddy. I fall in love with PB more and more everyday, if that's even possible. It's amazing to think that together we have created a new life, something that is part of both of us, something that is a physical testament to our love for each other. It's such an amazing gift that he's given me.

Soon I'll be able to update with pictures on the diaper bag and other things we've done for the "nursery", as well as the maternity pictures... but not today.

We're FULL TERM!!! 37 weeks - anytime now :)

2008-06-02T10:38:00.000-07:00

Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

How your life's changing:Braxton Hicks contractions may be coming more frequently now and may last longer and be more uncomfortable. You might also notice an increase in vaginal discharge. If you see some "bloody show" (mucus tinged with a tiny amount of blood) in the toilet or in your undies, labor is probably a few days away — or less. (If you have heavier spotting or bleeding, call your caregiver immediately.) Also be sure to ask your caregiver about the results of your Group B strep culture. That way, if the result isn't yet on your chart when you get to the hospital or birth center, you'll be able to give the staff there a timely heads-up if you need antibiotics.It may be harder than ever to get comfortable enough to sleep well at night. If you can, take it easy through the day — this may be your last chance to do so for quite a while. Keep monitoring your baby's movements, too, and let your caregiver know immediately if you notice a decrease. Though her quarters are getting cozy, she should still be as active as before.While you're sleeping, you're likely to have some intense dreams. Anxiety both about labor and about becoming a parent can fuel a lot of strange flights of unconscious fancy.

Week 36 - we made it this far...

2008-05-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

How your baby's growing:Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. He's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered his body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected his skin during his nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of his first bowel movement. At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely he's in a head-down position. - He is!!!

How your life's changing: Now that your baby is taking up so much room, you may have trouble eating a normal-size meal. Smaller, more frequent meals are often easier to handle at this point. On the other hand, you may have less heartburn and have an easier time breathing when your baby starts to "drop" down into your pelvis. This process — called lightening — often happens a few weeks before labor if this is your first baby. (If you've given birth before, it probably won't happen before labor starts.) If your baby drops, you may also feel increased pressure in your lower abdomen, which may make walking increasingly uncomfortable, and you'll probably find that you have to pee even more frequently. If your baby is very low, you may feel lots of vaginal pressure and discomfort as well. Some women say it feels as though they're carrying a bowling ball between their legs! You might also notice that your Braxton Hicks contractions are more frequent now. Be sure to review the signs of labor with your practitioner and find out when she wants to hear from you. As a general rule, if you're full-term, your pregnancy is uncomplicated, and your water hasn't broken, she'll probably have you wait to come in until you've been having contractions that last for about a minute each, coming every five minutes for an hour. Of course, you'll want to call right away if you notice a decrease in your baby's activity or think you're leaking amniotic fluid, or if you have any vaginal bleeding, fever, a severe or persistent headache, constant abdominal pain, or vision changes.Even if you're enjoying an uncomplicated pregnancy, it's best to avoid flying (or any travel far from home) during your final month because you can go into labor at any time. In fact, some airlines won't let women on board who are due to deliver within 30 days of the flight.

Week 35 - getting closer...

2008-05-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

How your baby's growing:Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.See what your baby looks like this week.Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
How your life's changing:Your uterus — which was entirely tucked away inside your pelvis when you conceived — now reaches up under your rib cage. If you could peek inside your womb, you'd see that there's more baby than amniotic fluid in there now. Your ballooning uterus is crowding your other internal organs, too, which is why you probably have to urinate more often and may be dealing with heartburn and other gastrointestinal distress. If you're not grappling with these annoyances, you're one of the lucky few.
From here on out, you'll start seeing your practitioner every week. Sometime between now and 37 weeks, she'll do a vaginal and rectal culture to check for bacteria called Group B streptococci (GBS). (Don't worry — the swab is the size of a regular cotton swab, and it won't hurt at all.) GBS is usually harmless in adults, but if you have it and pass it on to your baby during birth, it can cause serious complications, such as pneumonia, meningitis, or a blood infection. Because 10 to 30 percent of pregnant women have the bacteria and don't know it, it's vital to be screened. (The bacteria come and go on their own — that's why you weren't screened earlier in pregnancy.) If you're a GBS carrier, you'll get IV antibiotics during labor, which will greatly reduce your baby's risk of infection.This is also a good time to create a birth plan. Using our form will help you focus on specifics — like who'll be present, what pain management techniques you want to try, and where you want your baby to stay after you deliver. It will give you a starting point to discuss your preferences with your medical team. Childbirth is unpredictable, and chances are you won't follow your plan to the letter, but thinking about your choices ahead of time — and sharing your preferences with your caregiver — should take some of the anxiety out of the process.

Week 34 dr. appointment update

2008-05-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

Well, BT gave us a bit of a scare last week at the doctors appointment. On Tuesday the 13th we went in for the regular 34 week check up and did the strep B test. Dr. thought it was a good time to make sure he was head down, and while he was, I was also 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. Being as I was only 34 weeks the dr. was a bit concerned and put me on the monitors for about 20-25 minutes. No contractions on the monitor while I was there, but she gave me instructions to do a "modified bed-rest" meaning no work until we went back in a week to get checked again. Ugh. Well, it was scary to say the least, and every time I felt a contraction I thought to myself that he just wasn't ready. I've been thinking about him being a June baby for so long.... how could he be born in May?

Well, looks like now we're still on track for a June baby, though we may not make it to the due date of 6/22. PB thinks it'll be 6/8, and I'd be happy to make it to 6/1. :) I stayed home and tried to sleep in, relax, watch crappy daytime television, sew and basically catch up on doing nothing for awhile. It was nice but a bit boring, and I know that it was hard on PB to not be able to do stuff together like we used to. We did spend some time at the pool on Saturday, which was very nice, and I got some color on the belly - baby sure does like that :)

Went back to the dr. yesterday and there was thankfully no progression, so I was given the OK to go back to work for awhile. So, here I am, trying to play catch-up, and stay stress/frustration free. It's weird to be back after a week, after not knowing if I was coming back before the baby and all... everyone has been nice, and it'll be great to finalize things a little better before I'm outta here.

So, for now, that's the update. I was able to sew more on the quilt, and finished a changing table organizer (it's actually on the crib), and I started the diaper bag and made a bunch of burp cloths... so it was certainly a productive week. I'm just glad that's he's decided to stay put for the time being.

Week 34...

2008-05-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he's born — are filling him out, making him rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

How your life's changing:By this week, fatigue has probably set in again, though maybe not with the same coma-like intensity of your first trimester. Your tiredness is perfectly understandable, given the physical strain you're under and the restless nights of frequent pee breaks and tossing and turning, while trying to get comfortable. Now's the time to slow down and save up your energy for labor day (and beyond). If you've been sitting or lying down for a long time, don't jump up too quickly. Blood can pool in your feet and legs, causing a temporary drop in your blood pressure when you get up that can make you feel dizzy.

If you notice itchy red bumps or welts on your belly and possibly your thighs and buttocks as well, you may have a condition called pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP for short). Up to one percent of pregnant women develop PUPPP, which is harmless but can be quite uncomfortable. See your practitioner so she can make sure it's not a more serious problem, provide treatment to make you more comfortable, and refer you to a dermatologist if necessary. Also be sure to call her if you feel intense itchiness all over your body, even if you don't have a rash. It could signal a liver problem.

Baby Art

2008-05-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

We had a week off last week for our Bradley classes, and we both agreed that it was a welcome week off. I really enjoy the classes, however, it's been so crazy busy lately I feel we have had something every night. So, with softball over (spring season at least) and no Bradley class, we had a much more relaxing week last week. But, with that week off came extra homework. We slacked a bit and haven't even cracked open the student workbook yet, so I sent that off with PB to work today so he can get going on his part, then I'll take the book tomorrow and work on my part. If this rain doesn't let up then we can do our joint part together tonight cause the disc golf tournament will be cancelled - otherwise we'll figure it out.

Another part of the homework was baby art. Anything we wanted. We had talked about doing the belly shots - which we still will...hopefully. But we just didn't get around to it. Instead we worked this weekend on the altered letters to hang above the BT's crib. I finished decorating them last night while we watched Cinderalla Man. (good movie by the way...). I love how they turned out! Of course I don't have any pictures yet, but we'll take them to class tomorrow, and then hang them up this weekend. I can't wait to see them hanging above his crib (which is totally ready for him). PB asked recently if I was "nesting" and I guess I really am. All I want to do when I'm at home is wash his clothes, get the crib ready and basically prepare for his upcoming arrival. I finally feel like we are ready to bring him home... and I can't wait.

Month 8

2008-05-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

Baby’s senses are continuing to improve -- when light peeks in through your (extremely) stretched belly, those tiny eyelids and irises blink and dilate. And, baby can now recognize and react to simple songs… time to start practicing your lullabies! Growth (at least inside your womb) is starting to slow, and you may notice baby descend into your pelvis at the end of this month.

Week 33 - Are you kidding me????

2008-05-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

How your baby's growing:

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.See what your baby looks like this week.Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

As your baby fills out even more of your belly, lots of things might start to change: Whereas before you were sashaying, you may find yourself waddling. Finding an easy position to sit in — let alone sleep — is becoming more of a challenge. And bumping into chairs and counters is par for the course.You may be feeling some achiness and even numbness in your fingers, wrists, and hands. Like many other tissues in your body, those in your wrist can retain fluid, which can increase pressure in the carpal tunnel, a bony canal in your wrist. Nerves that run through this "tunnel" may end up pinched, creating numbness; tingling, shooting or burning pain; or a dull ache. Try wearing a splint to stabilize your wrist or propping your arm up with a pillow when you sleep. If your work requires repetitive hand movements (at a keyboard or on an assembly line, for instance), remember to stretch your hands when you take breaks — which should be frequently.

Week 32 - AKA - I can't believe how time is flying by...

2008-04-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

How baby's growing:By now, baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, he'll gain a third to half of his birth weight during the next 7 weeks as he fattens up for survival outside the womb. He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). His skin is becoming soft and smooth as he plumps up in preparation for birth.

How your life's changing:To accommodate you and your baby's growing needs, your blood volume has increased 40 to 50 percent since you got pregnant. With your uterus pushing up near your diaphragm and crowding your stomach, the consequences may be shortness of breath and heartburn. To help relieve your discomfort, try sleeping propped up with pillows and eating smaller meals more often.You may have lower-back pain as your pregnancy advances. If you do, let your caregiver know right away, particularly if you haven't had back pain before, since it can be a sign of preterm labor. Assuming it's not preterm labor that's ailing you, you can probably blame your growing uterus and hormonal changes for your aching back. Your expanding uterus shifts your center of gravity and stretches out and weakens your abdominal muscles, changing your posture and putting a strain on your back. Hormonal changes in pregnancy loosen your joints and the ligaments that attach your pelvic bones to your spine. This can make you feel less stable and cause pain when you walk, stand, sit for long periods, roll over in bed, get out of a low chair or the tub, bend, or lift things.

Baby Shower

2008-04-28T10:49:00.001-07:00

Work held a joint baby shower for me and a co-worker who are due just three weeks apart - it was incredible. We had tons of fun and our colleagues were incredibly generous. See below...

PB and I had so much fun putting it all together and couldn't believe how much stuff there was. We went to BabiesRUs over the weekend and got the crib mattress and travel system as well - I finally feel like we have all the basics for whenever the BT decides to arrive!

Updates: Temp,Car and baby quilt

2008-04-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

So, I've been quiet for a reason - things at work have been so incredibly hectic lately that I can barely think, let alone update my blog. But, I've been keeping track, so here's the update that should have come last Monday, 4/21.

Let's start with the car. PB was playing in a disk golf tournament on Sunday (which he won by the way - because he's that awesome!) and came back to a man taking cell phone pictures of his car. ...

Turns out the guy hit the car on his bike and caused that damage - ouch! So, PB has been dealing with the guys' homeowners insurance, because believe it or not, the guy came back and gave all the details - it amazes me that there are still honest people out there.

Baby Quilt... I decided a while back that I didn't like any of the baby bedding out there and that I'd make my own... so, the work in progress...

We are focusing on textures, so there is a courderoy, fleece, terry cloth and cotton all included in the blanket - I am just working on finishing the quilting part and then need to put the binding on. Not too shabby - after that I'll tackle the dust ruffle, diaper stacker, bumper pads and the diaper bag for me. I think I still have a little time....

Temp - Work has been crazy but we finally hired a temp for me! Yay! She started last monday (4/21) and has already taken some of the work off my plate - which has been a huge help. It will only continue to get better...

31 weeks and counting

2008-04-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

Your pregnancy: 31 weeks

How your baby's growing:This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:Have you noticed the muscles in your uterus tightening now and then? Many women feel these random contractions — called Braxton Hicks contractions — in the second half of pregnancy. Often lasting about 30 seconds, they're irregular, and at this point, they should be infrequent and painless. Frequent contractions, on the other hand — even those that don't hurt — may be a sign of preterm labor. Call your practitioner immediately if you have more than four contractions in an hour or any other signs of preterm labor: an increase in vaginal discharge or a change in the type of discharge (if it becomes watery, mucus-like, or bloody — even if it's pink or just tinged with blood); abdominal pain or menstrual-like cramping; an increase in pressure in the pelvic area; or low back pain, especially if you didn't have it before.You may have noticed some leaking of colostrum, or "premilk," from your breasts lately. If so, try tucking some nursing pads into your bra to protect your clothes. (And if not, it's certainly nothing to worry about; your breasts are making colostrum all the same, even if you don't see any.) If your current bra is too snug, you might also want to pick up a nursing bra. Choose a nursing bra at least one cup size bigger than you need now. When your milk comes in you'll be grateful for that extra room!If you're having a boy, you and your partner will want to take some time to think about whether or not to have your baby circumcised. Find out the pros and cons, and what the procedure involves.

Baby - getting closer!

2008-04-17T08:49:00.000-07:00

Last night PB and I went to the hospital tour - I can't believe that we are so close to the BT getting here and being a physical part of our lives :) the tour was great and we got a good vibe from the nurse that showed us around the place.

I've truly enjoyed every aspect of being pregnant, including his new game of shoving a heel in mommy's diaphram and lungs so that I have difficulty breathing...it's a fun time...PB and I are talking about doing some maternity pics so we can have a photographic record of this time in our lives.

We have sent the crib we like to my mom - who is generously purchasing it for us as a gift - and I can't wait for it to arrive so we can set it up. I'm in the middle of the quilt for the BT, and would love to see the whole thing together...and we have a baby shower at my work next week, so things are moving along with getting prepared. Next weekend we'll head to Babies R Us to fill in the blanks from our registry and pick up the necessities like the car seat - so we can actually take the BT home with us when he finally gets here :)

2008-04-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

Baby's energy is surging, thanks to the formation of white fat deposits beneath the skin. (Have those kicks and jabs to the ribs tipped you off yet?) Baby is also settling into sleep and waking cycles, though -- as you've also probably noticed -- they don't necessarily coincide with your own. Also this month, all five senses are finally functional, and the brain and nervous system are going through major developments.

How your baby's growing:Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.

How your life's changing:Your baby's very active now. Your practitioner may ask you to spend some time each day counting kicks and will give you specific instructions on how to do this. Let her know if you ever notice a decrease in activity. You may need a nonstress test or biophysical profile to check on your baby's condition.Some old friends — heartburn and constipation — may take center stage now. The pregnancy hormone progesterone relaxes smooth muscle tissue throughout your body, including your gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation, coupled with the crowding in your abdomen, slows digestion, which in turn can cause gas and heartburn — especially after a big meal — and contribute to constipation as well.Your growing uterus may also be contributing to hemorrhoids. These swollen blood vessels in your rectal area are common during pregnancy and usually clear up in the weeks after giving birth. If they're itchy or painful, try soaking in a sitz bath or applying cold compresses medicated with witch hazel to the affected area. Also avoid sitting or standing for long stretches. Talk with your practitioner before using any over-the counter remedies during pregnancy, and let her know if you have any rectal bleeding. To prevent constipation, eat a high-fiber diet, drink plenty of water, and get some regular exercise.Some women get something called "supine hypotensive syndrome" during pregnancy, where laying flat on your back causes a change in heart rate and blood pressure that makes you feel dizzy until you change position. You might note that you feel lightheaded if you stand up too quickly, too. To avoid "the spins" lie on your side rather than your back, and move slowly as you go from lying down to sitting and then standing.

Third Trimester: 28 weeks!

2008-03-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

Your pregnancy: 28 weeks

How your baby's growing:By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With his eyesight developing, he may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. He's also developing billions of neurons in his brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.See what your baby looks like this week. Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

You're in the home stretch! The third and final trimester starts this week. If you're like most women, you'll gain about 11 pounds this trimester.At this point, you'll likely visit your doctor or midwife every two weeks. Then, at 36 weeks, you'll switch to weekly visits. Depending on your risk factors, your practitioner may recommend repeating blood tests for HIV and syphilis now, as well as doing cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, to be certain of your status before delivery. Also, if your glucose screening test result was high and you haven't yet had follow-up testing, you'll soon be given the 3-hour glucose tolerance test. And if the blood work done at your first prenatal visit showed that you're Rh negative, you'll get an injection of Rh immunoglobulin to prevent your body from developing antibodies that could attack your baby's blood. (If your baby is Rh positive, you'll receive another shot of Rh immunoglobulin after you give birth.)Around this time, some women feel an unpleasant "creepy-crawly" sensation in their lower legs and an irresistible urge to move them while trying to relax or sleep. If this sensation is at least temporarily relieved when you move, you may have what's known as restless legs syndrome (RLS). No one knows for sure what causes RLS, but it's relatively common among expectant mothers. Try stretching or massaging your legs, and cut down on caffeine, which can make the symptoms worse. Ask your caregiver if you should try iron supplements, which can sometimes relieve RLS.

Focusing on the Good

2008-03-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

I've decided that in order to life a happy, healthy and successful life it's important to focus on the good. I am the type of person that gets caught up in the bad - so much so that it can consume me and physically impact my life. You know that feeling... the one in the pit of your stomach? The one that warms you of some sort of impending doom? Yeah, that's the one. I get that when I'm stressed and focusing on the bad. I did it yesterday, twice. And you know what? I realized that there's not a whole lot I can do to change things and my attitude and physical well-being impact another being, one wholey dependant on me, so I better shape up. It's just not worth it to worry about things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life. I'm healthy, happy, supported and loved. And I'm growing a beautiful baby boy that I will get to meet in just 11 short weeks.

So when my disillusioned self realizes that when you put yourself out there you will sometimes get burned? Well, let it sting for a bit, and then come to terms with the fact that that chapter is closed (YAY!!!) and those people truly weren't your friends to begin with. It's a sobering thought. Friends have always been fairly difficult for me to find and keep. It always feels a bit awkward with me, and I don't really let myself open up entirely to people in general. I'm pretty good in social situations, I can schmooze with the best of them. However, when it comes down to being a friend, maybe I'm destined to have just a few really good ones in life. Family has always meant more to me than friends. Family may drive you crazy, but they are always there, always supportive in the long run, and don't judge you for the choices you make in life.

So, it's time to pull myself up by my figurative bootstraps, officially close the chapter and just be happy knowing the truth about myself, even if so many others have a different idea. I've got bigger and better things waiting for me in my future and I have my best friend in the whole world to share it with.
I love you PB.

27 weeks (or 3 months left)

2008-03-26T08:08:00.001-07:00

Wow. Life really does come at you fast - isn't that how the commercial goes? Anyway, I've been MIA for the last 6 weeks or so, with very good reason.

A quick update. PB and I finally made it official on 2/22/08. We had a beautiful wedding just the two of us in the mountains of CO. I couldn't have been happier with how it all turned out. Perfect. That's really the only word that comes to mind when I think about marrying the man that is my best friend, confidant, lover and the father of my (soon to be here) baby boy.

Some pictures from the best day of my life (so far!):

We have also been to Minneapolis (work and play) and Phoenix (play) as well as accepting an offer on The house that will never sell. Well, guess what??? It actually did. We closed on it yesterday and while it hasn't totally sunk in yet, I'm sure that it will. I can say at the very least I feel a huge amount of relief - life a 65 lb weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So, we moved this past weekend (again!) and are now staying somewhere fairly temporary while we resave some money (getting out of the house wasn't cheap) and plan to buy our own house.

We are also about 3 months away from the BT's arrival - and I'm getting bigger everyday. I've been trying to be good - but with all the traveling and then the moving - it's been difficult to keep my eating and excercise on track. We're in week 4 of our Bradley classes and I'm really enjoying them. I've scheduled our hospital tour, will soon be attending La Leche League classes, and am trying to read like crazy all the natural child-birth books I have. It has become so important to me to do this naturally. Today I'm headed off for my standard glucose test, so I've been extra careful the last two days on my diet, hopefully that test will go well.

Other than that, we had a wonderful baby shower when we went home to AZ and I'm soooo glad that PB was there with me. We had three extra bags that were all 48-49 lbs each - just shy of the 50lb limit for paying extra :). There is absolutely no way I could have done that myself. So this weekend, we'll try to get settled in a little more, go through all the baby stuff and see where we need to think about filling in the blanks. I know work will have a shower for us as well but to my knowledge that hasn't been scheduled.

Well, that's enough of an update for now.

Month 6: Eggplant

2008-03-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

Let your spouse put an ear to your belly -- he might be able to pick up baby's heartbeat (no stethoscope required). Inside the womb, the formation of tiny capillaries is giving baby a healthy pink glow. Baby's also soaking up your antibodies, getting the immune system ready for life outside the womb. Eyes are forming, and baby will soon perfect the blink -- perfect for batting those freshly grown lashes.

Week 24 Appointment

2008-03-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

Weight Gain so far:
8 week - 12 week appointment= 2 lbs gained
12 week - 16 week appointment= 0 lbs gained
16 week - 21 week appointment= 10 lbs gained (eek!)
21 week - 24 week appointment= 4 lbs gained
Total= 16 lbs gained

Heartbeat:
8 week appointment - only saw heartbeat through internal ultrasound
12 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's
16 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's
21 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's
24 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 140's

Time

2008-02-20T13:20:00.000-08:00

This morning I went to the funeral service of a wonderful lady I got to know during my previous non-profit employment. Her Lukemia had come back and this time she could not continue her fight. she was young - probably mid-forties, a husband whose grief was clear on his face, and one son and a soon-to-be daughter in law. It made me think about how short life it, and how precious. It can be ripped away at any point in time, and it's so important to make the absolute best of every moment we are given. It reminds me so much of the song by Tim McGraw, "Live like you were dying"

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do
and he said

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again
and then

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

In Memory:
When I come to the end of the road,
And the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free.

Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared.
Miss me - but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.

It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.

Miss me - but let me go.

Week 22

2008-02-17T13:18:00.000-08:00

Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

21 week appointment disappointment

2008-02-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

Hm, well, I was so excited about this doctor's appointment - maybe I just built it up in my head a bit too much.... but I wanted to hear about the ultrasound etc. Not only did that not happen, but we waited about 30 minutes for the doc to come in, but she spent about 5 minutes with us. It seemed to me that she was more interested in telling me to not gain 10 pounds every appointment (yes, I gained 10 punds this time, but considering it'd been 5 weeks since our last appointment, and I had only gained 2 pounds so far - that's not too bad). It made me feel all flustered cause how many pregnant women feel good about how they look??? With all the changes your body is going through you're gonna have some self-esteem issues - seriously... So, that got me distracted and it wasn't until we got to the car that I realized she didn't even cover anything from the ultrasound.

She also seemed annoyed that we didn't want to go through the hospital classes - Um, we've signed up for our own Bradley classes thankyouverymuch.... $75 - $100 for breathing classes that are utterly useless when it comes time for delivery seems like a bit of a waste of money. Yeah, the bradley classes are more expensive, but it's more than just natural delivery - they also do nutrition, breastfeeding and general after baby stuff as well. To me, it's worth it. That class focuses on the type of birth I want. Not stupid breathing that does nothing to help the pain, causing me to go straight to some kind of drugs or epidural... no thanks.
So, as I said, she acted a bit put off, and asked if I was at least going to schedule a tour of the birthing center since it was free... uh - lady. Yeah. I would like to tour the hospital where I'm giving birth. Of course. I'm only 21 weeks. Cut me some slack...

Anyway, I'm hoping that she was just swamped from being out of town last week - and that it won't happen again. It really put me off and I was in a bad mood for most of the night.

Weight Gain so far:
8 week - 12 week appointment= 2 lbs gained
12 week - 16 week appointment= 0 lbs gained
16 week - 21 week appointment= 10 lbs gained (eek!)
Total= 12 lbs gained - still on target even though I put on 10 pounds in 5 weeks.

Heartbeat:
8 week appointment - only saw heartbeat through internal ultrasound
12 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's
16 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's
21 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's - didn't get to hear for very long cause PB made me laugh and then I couldn't stop - I think I totally annoyed the tech cause she left right after that... oh well - I guess that was the highlight of our appointment yesterday.

Week 21 - Banana

2008-02-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

Baby gulps down several ounces of amniotic fluid every day, both for hydration and nutrition and to practice swallowing and digesting. And, these days, those taste buds actually work! Studies show that after birth, babies are most interested in tastes they've already experienced through amniotic fluid. Meaning, think about what you want your future child to eat as you prepare your own lunch.

yanking on the umbilical cord...

2008-02-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

So I may be the only one that does this but I've totally given my little boy an "in-utero personality". Some of the recent stories include the following:

- envisioning him constantly tossing and turning over, trying desperately to get comfortable, but he unfortunately takes after mom already and has a difficult time with that one.

- PB said since it's his boy he's probably down there yanking on the umbilical cord holding up a little glass asking for more milk - yuck! :)

- One morning I had a strange stabbing feeling in my side and the only way to describe it was to tell PB that if felt like he had grabbed ahold of my intestines and clamped it shut, kinda like what you do to a garden hose.

- He scooches away from PB's cold hands when they first touch my belly and I can see the little thought process chugging along, mad at daddy's cold touch. He generally chills out a bit and will scoot back over when PB's hand warms up :)

- He's going through another growth spurt cause I can't stop eating and I'm still hungry - this boy already takes after dad :) - so I always think he's looking up asking for more (PB thinks this is done in a sad orphan voice).

- When I wait too long to go pee I swear he's poking at my bladder - mad that he's running out of room in his home, wondering why I'm holding it in and ready for me to make it go away for the next 30-45 minutes. He definitely gets that from me - I don't like feeling crowded either.

"Love and Marriage"

2008-02-06T06:34:00.000-08:00

Remember that crazy 80's, or was it 90's sitcom with Al Bundy, Married with Children? Not only did I love the crass show, but the theme song was running through my head this morning after I dropped PB off at work - have I mentioned that we are car-pooling now? I love that.

Back to the song - we are waiting for his ring to come in so we can finally get married. I think we are both so ready for it, we could care less where/when it happens, but so the end result is the same. :) It's finally been shipped and should arrive by this Friday, which means we no longer have any obstacles in the way of us making it legal. I can't wait to be his wife and I know he feels the same. It won't really change anything in our relationship - we'll still be the same couple, who sing silly, made-up rap songs on the way to work, have crazy nicknames for each other that we don't really want to admit to the public, and who love each other more than anything in the whole world.

Registering - Blech

2008-02-05T07:10:00.000-08:00

So I think I now have my whole family up in arms :) It's quite funny actually. They've been anxious for PB and I to register for the little one so they know what we want etc. Which is super sweet but when we tried to go to the baby mega-mart we had some issues. Mainly, we stood in front of the car seats for at least 10 minutes, reading about each of them, and finally picking the one that "looked cool". Seriously??? It's about looks now? I will only speak for myself, but I had absolutely no clue what I was looking for. I mean, if they're on the market they all have to meet the same safety standards right? So they're all pretty much the same? No clue. I can change a diaper like the rest of them, but I have absolutely no idea.

After we finally picked a car seat, which basically consisted of staring dumbly at them all for 10 minutes, telling a salesperson that we didn't need help cause I didn't want to admit that I had no idea what I was doing cause (to psuedo quote Juno) "it's not an etch-a-sketch, this is one doodle that can't be undone". I HAVE to figure it out cause whether I do or not this baby's coming in approximately 5 months. Oh dear lord.

PB thinks I'm totally overreacting, which I'm sure I am :) I think it's funny how all worked-up I get :) but in the end I know it will be okay. My mom and sis chatted right after I vented to my mom about registering - and I got a vm from sis right after that telling me she'd help. I know I need to just chill out a little bit and it will all fall into place. And I suppose that I'm not really upset or freaking out about it - it's just that I didn't realize there were so many choices out there and that they were all so stinking expensive! :)

In the meantime - we've been browsing my favorite - Craistlist - for some good deals on things that don't have to be new... a bassinet, jogging stoller etc. There are only a couple of things that need to be new in my opinion: car seat being one of them. The rest - eh. The BT will grow out of it within two years anyway so what does he care? He'll be the cutest little boy on the block regardless if his stoller is "manly" :).

A Cantaloupe????? Seriously?

2008-02-04T12:18:00.001-08:00

Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, speaking of the diaper situation... baby's genitals are now fully formed!

Love

2008-02-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about love recently - obviously - with all that is going on right now who could think of anything different? It's amazing how connected I feel now that I know this little person growing inside me is a boy - not that I wouldn't feel connected if it was a girl... just knowing what it is makes it better somehow. I love this little boy so much already and when PB and I were talking last night about the future, I teared up just thinking about leaving him to go back to work. I am finally more comfortable at my job and know there could be a good future here for me, but is it worth it to miss the incredible time at home with our little boy? Making sure that he gets all the love, support and care that he needs to grow into a capable, happy, healthy person. It breaks my heart to think that I might miss even a moment of his life. I know that we have a lot to figure out, if we could make it work, if it's the right move for our family etc. But I do know now what I've heard from so many moms is true: you love them unconditionally from the start and I can't remember now what this life was like without him a part of it.

It's a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-30T14:13:00.000-08:00

and unfortunately I can't upload my pictures yet... I'll get them up soon.

Past year in review and looking ahead

2008-01-29T10:27:00.000-08:00

This past year has been highs and lows combined - parts of it made it the absolute best year I've had so far in my life, and other parts were harder than I thought they would be. Obviously the best parts include PB and our life - getting married and getting pregnant with the little one. I'm also pretty darn proud of all the other accompliments in my life as well. Getting a new job - one that occasionally drives me nuts, but I truly feel it's a step in the right direction. Applying for grad school - though with the BT on the way that train has been temporarily derailed - I may revisit it again at some point when the little one is tucked away in school - who knows.

I have not reached out to old friends like I had wanted to. I'm not really sure what has stopped me other than time. It's hard to go back and make excuses, though I know that if the friendship was really there I wouldn't have to. For now PB, my best friend, is really what I need in life. We have so much fun together and I can't imagine how my life was without him in it.

I feel like this year brings even more new beginnings - new life and new hope for a wonderful future together. It is so much fun to plan - and while I rarely make New Year's Eve resolutions, I always like to think about what I hope to accomplish each year on my birthday.

So, here's to a beautiful marriage to the man of my dreams, bringing a new life into this world and being the best momma I can possibly be, continuing with my sewing and photography and striving with each project to learn something new and grow with each experience, continue to learn and grow at my job and hopefully create an opening for upward movement within this company. I think that is a good start.

Today's the day...

2008-01-29T07:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, I can't believe today is finally here - 3+ months of waiting has finally, finally come to an end. We are having our ultrasound this afternoon and couldn't be more excited about it. I fell asleep pretty easily last night which was nice, however when I woke up at about 3:30am to go to the bathroom I realized I couldn't go back to sleep :) Too darn excited to see the little one on the screen and find out (hopefully) what will be joining our family in 5 months! I did end up back asleep after thinking about it for over an hour, my hands resting on my belly, feeling the little one squirm away in there. Almost like it knew the excitement that was on the horizon and was excited to be a part of it - the reason for it...

PB told me last night that he felt bad that the ultrasound was "overshadowing" my birthday today - and I guess I just haven't felt that way about it at all. I am so happy that for the rest of my life I will remember this day, this feeling, on my birthday each year. I think it's an incredible gift - one that you can't buy at the store, not even one you could plan if you tried :).

I'll post tomorrow all the exciting news.

Anticipation....

2008-01-28T09:00:00.001-08:00

In my email today...

":) that's pretty awesome to think about. girl or boy, girl or boy, girl or boy???
what will it be???
wow! can't believe it's tomorrow. "

So, will our dress code on Wednesday involve this or this?
Or, heaven forbid... this????

Week 19

2008-01-27T17:59:00.000-08:00

Vernix caseosa, a greasy white substance made of lanugo, oil and dead skin cells (yum) now coats baby's skin, shielding it from the amniotic fluid. (Picture yourself after a nine-month bath, and the need for protection makes sense.) You might actually get to see the vernix at birth, especially if baby is premature.

Still no pictures

2008-01-24T07:58:00.000-08:00

So, I still haven't gotten the crappy memory card issue fixed with my computer, so still no pictures, but we've decided we need to continue taking some belly shots cause all of a sudden that thing is growing!!!

We've started carpooling in the morning, which I really enjoy. Not only to I get to spend more time with PB in the morning (while he drives to his work) but I then get to work earlier, which will hopefully help to make a good impression on the powers that be so I can get some flexibility when the BT gets here...

We've decided we're actually both in pretty good spots right now - isn't that a weird feeling?? You spend so long worrying about money or bills or debt, but when you actually put your mind to it, the truth of the matter is, you've got a good job with good future potential - and honestly, you've got it better than many. We're incredibly blessed and it was sort of an eye-opener to realize that :). Also puts my mind a little at ease when I think about the toe's upcoming arrival (5 months anyone?????). I still can't believe it's that close. Seems like a long time, but also something that will creep up on us quickly and the next thing you know we'll be bringing our little one home.

The next 5 days will most likely kill me - I hate waiting - probably the most impatient person around - but I guess right now with the anticipation building, it's just kinda fun ;) I can't wait for that birthday present, and PB and I decided we'll both wear the appropriate color shirt to work the following day to show our support of "Team Pink" or "Team Blue". It's so funny when people ask if we want one over the other. My general response is "as long as it's non-alien, I'll be happy". And that is the truth. I can see the benefits for a boy or a girl, and I guess I want both - so we'll see what's in store. We've tried to guesstimate based on the ridiculous chinese gender calendars (every single calendar gave a different prediction), on the heartbeat test (we've been in the 150's the whole time), or whether or not I had morning sickness (not - thank goodness!) and all we've been able to come up with is that we have no clue what this little one will be until it **hopefully** cooperates on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted...

Movement

2008-01-21T13:43:00.000-08:00

So, Friday night into the wee hours of Saturday morning I had a very realistic dream about feeling the baby move. Not too strange as I have many dreams about the little one, and most of the dreams I remember are incredibly realistic anyway. So, I told PB about it and we figured it had to have been a dream cause I didn't feel anything at all on Saturday. Then, Saturday night rolls around and while I was making dinner I started to feel a bit naseaus, and laid down. I realized that the little one was squirming it's way around in my belly the whole time and I was just beginning to realize it! I put PB's hand on my belly and at first he couldn't feel anything but a few tries later, with me pushing his hand on my belly and moving it in the right direction, he felt it too! The kid was taking after it's momma and being a little figity thing... didn't stop all night. So, trying to sleep on Saturday night was interesting to say the least - I was totally in awe of this new feeling, but I couldn't get used to the weird flutters constantly going on in my belly. I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot because it was the coolest feeling in the world.

I am so excited to begin feeling more of the baby, and I'm so happy that PB was able to experience this part as well. I know we are both looking forward to the upcoming ultrasound - 8 days and counting!

Week 18 - we're a sweet potato :)

2008-01-21T13:40:00.001-08:00

Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon.

Weekender

2008-01-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

PB and I had a great weekend. It was too short to say the least, but it felt extremely productive. We showed the house twice (cross your fingers!) and in order to do that we cleaned it from top to bottom - it's sparkling :)

He also found and fixed the weird tiny leak in the shower (only occasional drips seen in the basement - but he located the problem and presto - all was fixed). We (meaning he) cleaned out the gutters, we spent some time in Central City (didn't win) and spent some quality time together.

Still no pictures, which is sad - but my stupid sandisk 4GB memory card for my camera (only 6 months old) has been corrupted and I haven't heard back from the support desk. We'll see how that one goes.

I've also been able to continue work on the baby blanket I've been knitting. It's super soft and luxe and I love it cause it's machine washable. I've gotten into the "nesting" stage and have a laundry list of items I want to make before the little one gets here...

Quilt similar to this one here
Diaper bag for me similar to this one here but redesigned for my specifications :)
Hooded baby towels - I've already made one for my beautiful neice using the tutorial found here
Also to add to the list:
A portable changing pad (going to template these for sale on Etsy)
bibs (also for Etsy)
Burp Cloths (again, Etsy)
Lots more blankets :)

Week 17

2008-01-13T10:14:00.000-08:00

Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. The umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes are now topped by one-of-a-kind prints.

16 Week appointment - Stats

2008-01-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

We had our 16 week appointment yesterday and just a few tidbits that came out of it:

Weight Gain so far:
8 week - 12 week appointment= 2 lbs gained
12 week - 16 week appointment= 0 lbs gained
Total= 2 lbs gained - It seems this is on target - but we're both thinking now that next appointment might be a larger jump :)

Heartbeat:
8 week appointment - only saw heartbeat through internal ultrasound
12 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's
16 week appointment - found heartbeat with Doppler immediately and was strong in 150's

We get to schedule our "big" ultrasound now - I'm waiting for the orders to be faxed to the hospital to I can set up our time. We're shooting for my birthday - as nothing could be a better present than to find out we've got a healthy little one in there - and finding out the gender will be pretty cool too :)

Too cool :)

2008-01-07T09:29:00.000-08:00

I have become obsessed by information lately. I think I felt the baby move this weekend - even though I thought it was too early - come to find out it might not be and what I felt was actually the baby moving - it was sooooo cool...

Your pregnancy: 16 weeks

How your baby's growing:At 4 1/2 inches long (head to bottom) and 3 1/2 ounces, your baby is about the size of an avocado. In the next three weeks, she'll go through a tremendous growth spurt, though, doubling her weight and adding inches to her length. Her lower limbs are much more developed now. Her head is more erect than it has been, and her eyes have moved toward the front of her head. Your baby's ears are close to their final position, too. Some of her more advanced body systems are working, including her circulatory system and urinary tract. Her heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, circulating her total blood volume through her body many times. (By the end of your pregnancy, this will increase to about 190 quarts.) The patterning of her scalp has begun, though her hair isn't recognizable yet. Although closed, her eyes are moving (slowly), and she's even started growing toenails.Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:Have people been telling you how wonderful you look? The "glow of pregnancy" is real, thanks to increased blood flow to the skin. You may be enjoying yourself more, too, now that your hormones have stabilized and nausea has eased up. You're also probably less anxious about something happening to your baby (the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically after the 14th week) which likely adds to your overall sense of well-being.Soon you'll experience one of the most wonderful moments of pregnancy — feeling your baby move. While some women notice "quickening" as early as 16 weeks, most don't until about 18 weeks or more. If this is your first baby, don't be too anxious — you may not be aware of your baby's movements until 20 weeks or so. The earliest movements may feel like little flutters, gas bubbles, or even like popcorn popping. Over the following weeks they'll start to feel unmistakably like kicks.

Week 16...

2008-01-05T17:22:00.000-08:00

Watch what you say... tiny bones forming in baby's ears mean the little one can now pick up your voice. Eyebrows, lashes and hair are starting to fill in, and taste buds are forming. And, if you're interested, an ultrasound might be able to determine gender.

Christmas, New Years etc....

2008-01-04T07:24:00.000-08:00

The holidays were very good to PB and I - we actually waited this year till Christmas morning to open all our presents, and it was so much fun just the two of us. We thought we'd sleep in (or at least I thought I would) but we were up early and out like little kids - ready to rip into the gifts. I made coffee and cinnamon rolls and we started to dig right in. I cannot believe how generous both our families were - it was crazy to see so many gifts for just the two of us... although a lot of presents under the tree didn't have either of our names on it... hmm...

we had breakfast later and chatted on the phone with family - it was so much fun to just take it slow, watch each other and enjoy the day. Knowing this will be our last "quiet" Christmas for some time probably just made it sweeter. We had Christmas dinner with friends and played games into the night before heading home and getting some well-deserved rest. The only bad part of the day is when PB started to get sick - which lasted well into the next day so we both stayed home from work. Otherwise, it was an amazing Christmas to remember. I'd have to say, my favorite gift (if I have to pick one) has got to be one of my Christmas eve presents from PB - a huge, fluffy, super-soft and comfy robe - one that will continue to fit me as I grow. :)

That weekend saw me getting the bug that's been going around...I couldn't keep any food or liquids down from Saturday to Tuesday - not sure if it was the bug or something else, but either way I was unhappy and exhausted, and truthfully, a little afraid of food. I guess when you get that sick all the time you aren't very happy with the cause of the sickness and just want to get as far away from it as possible. New Year's Eve was PB and I tucked in at home playing board games. He brought out Monopoly for my semi-annual butt-kicking (we've only played this game together 3 times - I swear I'm out within 15 minutes maximum - that guys knows how to roll some dice. I need to take him to Vegas). We also played Sorry, which is a special game for us and was a Christmas present to me from PB - I am happy to say that I was the 2007 champion, but was quickly brought down in 2008. It was a sorry, sorry loss.

We got breakfast with friends on New Year's Day, and hung out with the same friends later that night - we tried to play their new "Friends - Scene It" game, but unfortunately something must have been wrong with the game cause the girls team lost to the boys - definitely a flaw somewhere in the game for that to have happened.

Back to work again. I'm feeling much better these days - food is staying down and I've gotten new clothes that actually fit me - Yay! What wonders it does for your self-esteem :) We go to the doc again this coming Tuesday and get to schedule the BIG ultrasound - I hate waiting cause I want another picture of the baby toe, but February isn't too far off and I guess I can handle the wait. We're just happy that everything has gone so smoothly thus far. So, for those of you who already knew our news... I'm finally putting it out there! For those of you who didn't, you know now. I'm going to try to document the whole process (well, the rest of it at least) so that I can get it all down and not forget a single moment of this incredible time in my life. I can honestly say I have never known a happiness like this.

Traditions

2007-12-18T09:36:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. Growning up with a Mom whose birthday was Christmas Eve always made the wholemonth special. We had incredible traditions growing up and now that I'm on my own PB and I are trying to incorporate the ones that fit, and also creating some of our own. We also know that with the new addition next year, this year is kind of a "trial-run" and we are thrilled to be spending the holiday together finally (blizzards and trips home prevented us from having that last year...)

One thing we are doing this year is that we are keeping the gifts to stockings only. Growing up stockings were probably the most anticipted item. Mom knew just how to fill it with a mix of the practical (if I didn't get a years supply of q-tips I would be shocked) and fun (dvds, cds, earrings etc) in the HUGE stocking. Seriously this thing came up to my waist almost. Unfortunately my stocking met its' demise in Bulgaria when the car was stolen with everything in it but I'm so lucky to have the memories. No matter how big it was I could never figure out how to get everything back in it. I swear moms are just magical like that :)

This year PB and I have big stockings I picked up - they kinda match each other but are different colors. I'm looking forward to secretly filling it with the goodies I've been picking up along the way.

Another great tradition that we are continuing is Christmas Eve. I suppose it may have started because my mom was getting birthday presents that day, and how do you explain to small children the birthday/Christmas thing? All they want to know is why does mommy get to open presents but not me???? So, on Christmas Eve my sisters and I got certain gifts - every year the same thing. New pajamas so we looked so cute in the pictures the next day, a Christmas ornament to build into our collection so that when we all moved out we would have wonderful memories to hang on our trees, a Christmas book (more on this later) and either a stuffed animal or some kind of trinkety thing - depending on our age and what mom found that year.

The books were also cool - each night in December we three girls traded off. One got to pick the Christmas book to be read that night, one got to move the advent calendar (in those days it was a tree that had a different ornament to be hung on it each day, with the final day being the star at the top of the tree) and one got to sit in mom's lap when she read the book. That tradition flowed so easily and I have some of the best memories doing that. It will definitely be a tradition I continue with my children, and PB and I are even doing it this year. I can't wait :)

an email I received...

2007-12-18T09:29:00.001-08:00

today is a good day because...

i have lunch packed
I am eating bfast
I'm sitting inside with warmth and comfort
we get to wrap presents for our loved ones tonight
i have you
we have a warm safe place to go home to
i have a job that gives me the ability to live the life I require

2007-12-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

Ran across this quote today - I love it.

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass,but learning to dance in the rain"
-Unknown

NaBloPoMo

2007-11-30T20:35:00.000-08:00

YAY! I made it through the month, faithfully blogging each day. It may not have been made up of the most interesting content, but I was here each day. It was certainly not easy but I've enjoyed the challenge to write more. It has been incredibly difficult to keep my news a secret, but now that my mom has arrived and I've had the chance to tell her all about it - it was great. This will become a place for me to write more about all the new happenings in my life ... I can't wait.

It's working! and so am I...

2007-11-29T14:57:00.000-08:00

So, I've really been putting into practive the positive thinking I wrote about yesterday... and it appears to be working - even though I'm totally swamped and hectic at work right now... I'm actually enjoying it! Yay!

We are in the middle of a USCIS audit - which apparently is going to continue to happen at a more rapid pace with our permanent residency cases that are in the PERM status - but, this was my first one, and it will be filed tomorrow. I'll let you know how it turns out. I think we've put together a very strong case in a relatively short amount of time. Now it's off to the attorney and ready to be filed - cross your fingers for me that it is is adjudicated in our favor.

So, it was most definitely a learning curve for me, and an interesting one to boot. I'm learning more about the PERM process than I ever thought I wanted to know and we are creating new practices and policies surrounding it. I'm able now to create new procedures as I see fit to help eliminate these tedious audit processes later down the road. For now I take solace in the fact that they aren't just auditing me (meaning my company or employees) but that it's approximately a 50% audit increase across the board.

The power of positive thinking...

2007-11-28T07:39:00.000-08:00

PB and I have been trying to focus lately on the good - you know, the power of positive thinking - Focus on your goals coming true and they will. He actually puts it much better than I do, but the gist is the same - attitude is everything!

For me, I've been focusing on the good things at my job, the great things in my life, and not trying to worry or stress about the things that aren't so great. I think staying positive and not stressed at this point in my life is one of the most important things I can do so I'm really trying to focus on it. I've never really been into the new-age mumbo jumbo, but there is something to be said about your attitude. If someone cuts me off while driving, I can either let it piss me off, or I can think that maybe they didn't realize they did it or have an emergency to get to. That type of thinking allows me to not blow my top, keep my cool - and live to see another day :)

I perfer a good attitude. I know it makes me more fun to be around, and I know that I'm enjoying life so much more when I have a better attitude and outlook. It's not the easiest thing in the world - looking through perpetual rose-colored glasses, but PB is a great role-model and really allows me to focus on good things.

T minus 3 days

2007-11-27T09:07:00.000-08:00

Mom comes on Friday - can't wait - soooo excited for her to finally meet PB and understand what is going on in my life - show her my house, my life and fill her in on all the good stuff that I'm surrounded by. I'm trying lately to focus on the good - cause truthfully - there is so much good. I can't believe how truly blessed I am to have a good job, money in the bank, someone that loves me, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. What more could someone ask for? There are certainly material things that would make my life easier (more money, more free time, getting this darn house sold so we can get what WE want, etc) but they are just things, and frankly, while it would make life easier, it wouldn't make it better. It's pretty dang good just the way it is.

My list of what I'm thankful for - since I didn't get around to posting it last week (yeah, I know I kinda slacked on the lengthy posts during the holiday week - but the rule is to post - no word minimum to my knowledge).

1. PB*
2. BT *
3. My family and their health and happiness
4. Being physically able to complain about going to the gym - cause, if I couldn't complain about it that would mean I wasn't physically able to go -
5. My commute - cause it means I have a good job to go to each day - one that pays the bills.
6. Friends - the ones that matter are few and far between - but that's how it's always been and that's not a bad thing.
7. Holidays that bring people closer together.
8. Memories - I love all that I have done and what has gotten me to this point in life.
9. My camera and sewing machine - probably my two favorite "material possesions" - they might allow me to get out of the normal rat race and make my own living...
10. Possiblities - there is so much in store for us in the future...

Happy Birthday!

2007-11-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

My oldest niece is turning 15 today - Happy Birthday sweetheart - you deserve all the good things in life.

Seriously though, when did you grow up? I can't believe it - in a matter of moments you went from a tiny baby born on Thanksgiving day (still one of the things I'm thankful for each year) to an intelligent young lady who conducts herself in an incredible manner on a daily basis. You have such a good heart and care so much about others. You are truly an inspiration to others, and a wonderful big sister :).

Love you honey - have a wonderful year -

Sunday Sunday

2007-11-25T08:46:00.000-08:00

So, PB got back late last night from Phesant hunting - think he had a good time. I just wish I could have put a camera in his hands while he was out there - saw elk, deer and an owl all up close - very cool. I think the only owl I've ever seen was in the PHX zoo - I love nature and wildlife and think they are fascinating subjects to photograph - think about it - an up-close-and-personal shot of a sleeping owl? Beautiful.

Other than that I'm just enjoying my last day of the 4 day weekend - not quite ready to jump back into work yet, but talked to my mom today and she found out she's coming to visit me this coming Friday (I'm soooo excited - she'll finally get to meet PB and BT) so it's very cool. It's been a surprise for her, so I know she's excited too. I'd love to get the border and backing on the quilt before she gets here but I don't know how that will happen. PB and I have just this week after work to get the old house totally cleared out and clean cuase we're totally outta there by the 30th. Eeck! Lots of work left to do, but I think we're up for it...

Quilt Top

2007-11-24T16:33:00.000-08:00

I love these fabrics - I've been collecting 5" charm squares on ebay and finally found a good use for them. I put together this gorgeous quilt top using a variation of the 9 patch... I absolutely adore it. I now need to figure out what to use to do the border and the backing. What do you think?

In Progress:

Completed:

The colors are that dark in person, they are lovely and vibrant in real life... trust me.

New Purse

2007-11-23T16:17:00.000-08:00

My neice requested a tote bag for her 15th birthday (I still can't belive she's that old!) and I got to work on her bag today since PB went bird hunting :) And she loves orange and purple - since she's getting a purple quilt for Christmas, I decided to go with an orange tote bag... I love it. Now I just need to add the closure and sew up the hole in the lining.

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

Hello All - Happy Thanksgiving to you and all your loved ones. Dinner turned out great and all were stuffed :) It was a fantastic day but I think we're going to have sooooo much leftover - get ready for turkey sammies for the next week!